To Be So Lonely // Ben Solo

5

When Cyra woke, she could feel a hand brushing over her head. It seemed she had not been unconscious for long, as she noticed the sun was still shining brightly into her room. Cyra noticed she was cuddled into the woman's side, with one of Leia's arm wrapped loosely around her, and the other brushing through the knots in her hair.

"Do you plan to blackout every time you interact with the Force?" asked Leia.

Cyra chuckled. She sat up and rubbed at her eyes. "It's just been a long time. It's a bit overwhelming."

Leia reached to fix a tangle within Cyra's hair. It had grown immensely long in the last six years. A sad smile stretched across her face, dwelling on her actions of the past. What she had done to this girl that pushed her away... She more than regretted it.

"And I have a concussion still, I imagine, which probably doesn't help," continued Cyra. She moved her hair from Leia's reach and brushed through it with her own fingers, rougher, quicker. Her face didn't scrunch as she tore through the tangles.

Leia's hands returned to her lap. "Maybe I should let you rest, then, Cyra."

"No, it's fine," said Cyra quickly. She turned her head in Leia's direction, sighing. "Let's just get through it. Everything. Tell me what's happened since I left. I'll tell you the same."

Leia agreed, though she prefaced by demanding that Cyra speak instead of show her what happened, as she didn't want the girl to overdo herself and fall unconscious again. Cyra chuckled, but agreed.

Cyra's face changed minutely throughout the time Leia told her what occurred in the last six years. Cyra went missing, her father was killed by Snoke, Leia and Han split after Ben's choice to train underneath Snoke. Alongside Ben's power, the First Order grew, too, and to counter it, the Resistance was born, hemmed by Leia and other Rebel survivors. As history would have it, a battle between the Dark and the Light was alive once again.

Leia mentioned Luke's disappearance. She spoke upon him solemnly, as though she was ashamed of his decision to leave when they needed him most. Cyra wondered briefly if that's how the woman spoke about her disappearance as well.

"But we've acquired a map to him," Leia continued. Her saddened, tired eyes were still reaching for a spark of hope. "I'm sending Rey to him soon."

"To do what? Bring him back?" asked Cyra.

"I can hope," agreed Leia. "Train her as a Jedi, bring him back to us. Help us fight the First Order."

"And your son," muttered Cyra, without a thought.

Leia's eyes fell. "And my son."

Cyra's eyes flickered to meet Leia's. Her energy had dwindled through the years, it seemed. It didn't seem to be the fault of just old age, but pain, too. Leia's heart had been broken again and again within the last few years, and Cyra knew it. Ben turned, Han left, Luke went missing. Her family and her life had been torn apart by the decisions of a boy she loved, just as Cyra's had.

"You're alone now, too," Cyra guessed. She watched for Leia's reaction, to which, there was none. "Han not around? I'm shocked he hasn't come by. I always look forward to getting my hair messed up by him."

Leia continued to look at the girl, her mouth a straight line, and her eyes a deep pit of sorrow. She didn't have to say it for Cyra to understand, which prompted a deep sigh from the girl. It had to be recent, she knew, because he was supposed to be on the Falcon when they rescued her from Ilum.

"B-Ben," choked out Leia, and she slapped a hand over her mouth to muffle her tears.

Cyra's body froze. A pounding in the nape of her neck began when she heard his name. Her stomach twisted. Her mouth opened and it closed. She felt her eyebrows move upwards, but then sink back down into a frown. Her voice refused to repeat his name. After all these years, her heart still succumbed to her love for him, even after her brain knew it was disgraceful to love a man who turned on his entire life.