To Be So Lonely // Ben Solo

16

Cyra spent the night by herself, but when she awoke in the morning--or what she assumed was the morning, one could never tell with the lack of windows--she felt a presence beside her. She stiffed and pretended to still be sleeping, though her eyes remained open. She decided to casually roll to face him, stretching the blanket over her shoulders and hiding most of her face. She waited for a few moments before she opened one eye to see him.

Ben was in bed with her, tucked underneath the comforter, but he lay rather unusually with his back against the bed. His hands were folded on top of his stomach and his eyes were open, staring at the ceiling.

"Are you going to pretend to stop sleeping now?" he wondered softly.

Cyra blocked her mind immediately as she heard his husky voice. She continued to hide her face underneath the covers. "Perhaps."

"How did you sleep?" he asked. He made no move to look at her, but allowed her to continue trailing her eyes along the profile of his face. "Because I barely slept. Your mind is awfully loud, Cyra."

"I dream loud?" said Cyra, her tone monotonous. She was appalled by how quick he was to jump into a poor start of their day. "I am so sorry I don't consciously hide my dreams from you after I spent six years alone. Forgive me. If you have such a problem, maybe you could get out of my head. Or, I don't know, get your own room?"

"My own bed, for that matter," he agreed. When he continued to stare at the ceiling, instead of respond to her attitude, Cyra realized he was not truly upset over losing sleep. She shrunk further under the blanket. Ben continued, "You dreamt about us. Our past together."

Cyra tried to conceal her annoyance at his unwanted presence in her mind, notably while she was sleeping. She had to conceal it; this was a good step in the direction she was trying to take him. Ben allowing himself in her head, listening to her thoughts, feeling her emotions, without trying, could bring him back to the person he was when they were younger. She was showing him, even subconsciously, he had never left her heart, nor her mind.

"Can you blame me?" she wondered. "I've been surrounded by you and our past for the last two weeks. My subconscious cannot even escape you."

"Perhaps I'll take that as a compliment," he said, somewhat cheekily. It was hard to tell with how serious his voice had become. But, somewhere, underneath the man he became, she saw the Ben Solo from her youth peaking out at her. I'm here, he was trying to say. I'm still here...

"You were dreaming about the letters," Ben continued.

It became obvious to Cyra that he wanted her to inquire more into her own dreams. A wave of anxiety floated through her stomach; her plan was working. She needed to play into it believably.

"The letters you used to write to me?" she wondered, her brows coming together. "I had them on me the night I left you, I kept them in that backpack."

Ben was genuinely curious. "Why?"

Cyra shrugged her shoulders. "Why wouldn't I?"

That was something Ben couldn't argue. He didn't know why he felt inclined to ask. After spending a number of hours accidentally hearing the voices of her dreams, he assumed he would have kept them, too. If not for the memories of a better time, when they were together, it was to continue practicing the lessons Ben detailed. He supposed he wanted to hear some declaration from her, as he had told her a number of times since he found her again. She never was a forward gal, at least with her words of affirmations. It was always in her actions, he had to remember. She loved him because she kept the letters. She loved him because she chose him.

Does she? A part of him wondered. It was in a prophecy that she would join him. He, Luke, and Leia had all recently reminded her of her foreseen place in this story. He had to wonder her reasoning for joining him, truly, beyond what she saw in his head, beyond the prophecy. Another part of Ben's head told him he already knew why she stayed. It was in her actions, it had to be.