Tormented • Kylo Ren/Ben Solo

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•••
"Why don't you let me down, I'll let you do it again, I rather you walk all over me, just don't walk away"

PRESENT DAY

Damon and Victoria settled into their respective seats aboard the ship, ready to fly the Falcon to the Resistance base in order to hand Finn, who's explained that he was an ex-stormtrooper who had just turned against the First Order, to Leia, who would be able to help him.

As they were preparing to take off, Damon eyed Victoria wearily. "So, about the meeting with First Order..."

Victoria sighed. "Oh yes, that." She turned to face her brother and said, "I've decided that I'm not going to go." Damon's eyes softened. A moment of tense silence passed before, "Is it because of Ren?"

A singular memory flashed through Victoria's mind. Kylo, shirtless, wounded, and angry, with Sith eyes.

Victoria sighed, ignoring the pang in her chest, and shook her head, "No. And I'm surprised that you'd think that I would be so unprofessional as to cancel a meeting about business for a personal reason. I just think Hux is full of shit." Which was true. Her instincts didn't trust it, going in to the First Order and expecting a civilized welcome to the Commander of the Resistance and her brother.

Damon just shook his head lightly and turned back to the controls. "Whatever you say."

Her eyes narrowed and she was about to bite back with a snarky response, but just in that moment, they heard a loud crash in the distance.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I was trying to get out of this stupid stormtrooper thing!"

BB-8 beeped something about Finn being incompetent that caused Victoria to laugh.

•••

PRESENT DAY

Sunlight, harshly bright. A giggle. The scent of  of lavender and cinnamon and old books.

He opened his eyes and there was, with her head on his lap, looking up at him with wide eyes. "Silly Ben. Did you fall asleep?" He looked her confused, torn. Was Victoria alive? His living, breathing, awe-inspiring Victoria... was back? She looked just as he'd remembered before the explosion. Angelic, sweet.

Now she looked concerned and sat up. "Are you okay? You look like you're about to be sick." As though he wasn't even listening to her, he put his hand on his cheek, tears pouring down his face. "V-Victoria..."

Victoria, alarmed, wrapped her arms around him. "What's wrong? I'm here for you." Ben shook his head, allowing a sob to escape his throat and said, "But you're not. You haven't been here for me in years. I miss you. I've missed you so much." He caressed her cheek, heart pounding, rivers running down his face. "You have no idea how much i've needed you. Needed your warmth, your joy, and your—"

He almost said the word until he stopped himself. Light. He needed her light, missed it, yearned for it.

Eyebrows furrowed, Victoria looked him dead in the eyes and said, "But you're the one who abandoned me."

He woke up with a vicious start, it was as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice water onto him, and yet, he was sweating a fever. Hands shaking, he reached over to the side of his bed, grabbing a discarded shirt before putting it on. He threw his legs over the edge of his bed and sat there, panting, the image of Victoria already starting to slip from his memory as he desperately tried to hold on to it.

An hour later the Commander of the First Order could still be found sitting in that same spot, thinking about Victoria.

•••

PRESENT DAY

Damon had taken over piloting the ship as Victoria tried to take a quick nap. Tossing and turning in the makeshift bed on the Falcon, her mind raced. Was she sure that she had cancelled the meeting only because Hux was an annoying son of a bitch? Could it be that—

No. No. I feel nothing towards someone who decided years ago that I wasn't worth anything to them. Not longing, not fear, not even hatred. I must remain neutral, impassive. I shouldn't care— I don't. And yet, the tears streaming down her face said otherwise. Balling up her fists in frustration, she sat up and began feverishly wiping away her tears.

So what if he killed our peers before aligning with the man that killed my parents? So what if he's the reason Luke abandoned me in my time of need? So what if I once trusted and loved him more than I even did myself? None of that means anything anymore. Certainly not to him. Missing him, mourning the idea of a human who has long been dead; it's weak. I will not allow a man who left me for dead change what I have built myself up to be for years.

She was too caught up in her own thoughts to notice Finn in the corner of the room. By the time she had, it had been too late, he'd seen the tears, the frustration.

"I..." he started awkwardly. "Sorry to intrude. I didn't... I didn't mean to see anything." He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

That nearly made her smile. Wholesome, she thought. "It's fine. Are you feeling better?" He nodded in response. "Good. Don't want Leia to go around thinking we mistreated you."

Finn cracked a smile. "What's she like?" "Leia? A boss-ass bitch. But sometimes also just bossy." She looked down. "But she's a great person, and an even better leader. Definitely deserves better than the cards she's been dealt."

Confused, Finn sat next to Victoria and asked, "What do you mean?" She looked up at him, feeling the urge to open up to a man simply because he seemed sweet, caring. A mistake that shouldn't be made again. Before she could say anything though, the ship jerked.

Damon ran in, alarmed and clearly frustrated. "We have a small, tiny problem. Don't allow the fact that we're in danger interrupt this adorable little conversation of yours, though."

Rolling her eyes, already exasperated, she got up to see what the matter was.

Quick question....

would y'all want smut in this book? 👀👀
- M.E.