Behind The Camera

Chapter Twelve.

I walk up the steps to my old house, I couldn't wait to see my mum, I'd do anything for just a hug from her right now. I knock on the door, knowing I had left my keys here when I left for college, mentally regretting that choice.  My younger brother Kayden opens the door, engulfing me in a hug that was strong enough to take me down to the ground. I laugh, and pick him up. "Hey dude, did you grow some more?" I chuckle, rubbing his head. "Tee, I missed you" he mumbles into my hair. "Mum home?" I ask, walking up both into the house. "Work, she should be back soon" He whispers as I set him down. "So she left you on your own?" I mutter, walking into the kitchen, grabbing some squash out of the fridge. "No, Lacey's upstairs" He replies, sitting back down on the sofa watching some film. "Okay, why isn't she at school?" I ask, standing at the bottom of the stairs. "I don't know, girl problems" He states before turning his attention back to the TV. I roll my eyes. This was so Lacey.

I walk up the stairs, passed my old bedroom and knock on Lacey's door. "Kayden go away" She mutters from inside the room, so I just open the door. "What are you doing home?" She mutters, standing up from the bed and hugging me. "Nice to see you too Lace" I mumble, sitting down on her bed. "I hear Perri from Diversity's studying at your college, is he as hot in person as he is when he dances, dudes got a six pack and every-" "Yes I've met him, no I don't want to talk about it, why ain't you at school?" I ask, cutting her off before she rambles on. "Er, Teacher Training" She mumbles, looking back at her laptop. "Bullshit" I reply. "I just, it's not the same without you here anymore, Mum's always at work, all I ever do is take Kayden to school and then pick him up and then I sit in here all day, eat food with them both and come back here and repeat" She mutters, putting her laptop on her side and turning to face me. "Lace, you'll get used to it, i'm not always going to be around to defend you and help you fight your battles" I whisper, moving myself on the bed to get more comfortable. "Why are you home? you cant blag a teacher training day, did you get kicked out?" She asks, wiggling her eyebrows. "If I tell you something, you have to honestly promise me you wont tell mum, or tell any of your gossiping friends" I whisper, raising my eyebrows at her. "Pinky" She states, putting her pinky out for me to shake on. I chuckle, but we lock pinkys. "So, I met Perri, or Pel if you know him like I do.. we hung out a few times, maybe kissed, maybe class one hang out as a date... then found out who he was whilst watching him flip around on stage, may have met Diversity, now i'm here" I whisper. Her eyes go wide. "YOU'VE MET DIVERSITY" She exclaims, jumping off her bed. I roll my eyes. "Okay, explain everything" She replies, sitting back on her bed, composing herself. "I kissed him, I think I have feelings for him, I told him I needed time, and now i'm all confused." I whisper, pulling my phone out of my pocket, and showing her the photos of me and Perri, the smile filling my face when I didn't want it to, I just couldn't help it, the memories and just him making me happy, lifting my mood automatically. "You look really happy, I haven't seen you look that happy since..." I look at her knowing what she's going to say. "Since before Tom" I reply. She nods her head, looking down, feeling guilty at the mention of his name. "Perri just makes me happy, well made me happy but I know I like him Lace, I know that I do, but we are two different worlds apart" I mutter. "That doesn't make a difference, you like him, if he likes you then you make it work, you talk things out you listen and you learn, you cant let one bad experience in life hold you back, nor can you let the fact that his a dancer hold you back" She mutters. I look at her, for a fourteen year old she is fairly smart, and a lot better at the whole relationship things than I am. "Look, Tee. You've got your head in a book constantly. But did Romeo and Juliet stop because their parents wanted them too? no they didn't" She mutters. She was right. I hated to admit it, but she was. "Can we talk about something else?" I whisper. "Yeah, i'll fill you in on the school gossip" She chuckles. "How long you staying for anyway?" She asks. "Just a night, I need to get back to campus, got an interview for a job" I whisper. "You're not dropping out of college are you?! Mum will go mental" She exclaims. I sigh. "I honestly don't know what I am doing with my life right now, but like everyone keeps saying, things will work out how they are supposed to" I whisper, laying back in her bed. "Right, well Kitty and James got together, but then James-" She starts but I zone out, my eyes feeling heavy.

---

"So, Tee, how is college going? I assume your grades are impeccable?" Mum asks. I roll my eyes, of course the first question she asks is that. "Yeah, it's going well." I mumble, moving my food around my plate with a fork. "So, any particular reason you're home? not that I don't love to see you, its just you usually call or at least text before?" She asks, I look down at my plate. "Yeah, just needed a better nights sleep, its the time for college parties so its music till early mornings" I whisper, I wasn't going to tell her the truth right now. Lacey gives me a small smile, and I look towards my mum who is looking at me slightly sceptical. "Actually, i'm not that hungry, i'm going to go head to bed, got to drive back tomorrow got a study session" I mutter, picking my plate up from the table and going to the kitchen to get rid of it.

The problem with my Mum is before I went to college we all go along, when I first started college it was a different story, it was almost like she turned into Bridezilla, but the mum version. She was constantly nagging me about my grades, about my attendance, about who I was hanging around with, how I started to dress, whether I wore my hair up or down, and the list goes on, it was controlling and I didn't deal well with it at all.

The longer I sat in my room thinking about everything the more I wanted things to go back to how they were a week ago. Everything that was spinning around in my head made me feel physically sick. All I wanted was a hug from someone who wasn't going to tell me what to do, or what they wanted me to do. I just wanted one minute for someone to sit here and listen, someone to just hug me, hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. That's when I realised I wanted Perri. I grab my phone, three missed calls and five texts from him. That's when it also dawned on me that I couldn't do this, I couldn't be with him.

It didn't matter how many times the good out weighed the bad, it didn't matter how many times I thought about everything, my decision was mixed, I wanted him and I didn't want him. I wanted him but I didn't want the life, or did I want both? every time I thought about it my opinions changed. I knew I liked him, but that's all I could comprehend. I wanted the way Perri made me feel, I wanted the feeling he gave me, but I knew I didn't want the stress and the worry of what everyone else was going to say, what everyone else was going to do. I pick my phone up, looking at the time. 00:32am, not as late as I thought it was going to be. I scroll through my contacts, looking at the name. 'Pel(;'. I take a deep breath, and press the call button, pulling the phone to my ear, to my surprise it just rings, and rings, and eventually goes through to voicemail. I listen to his voicemail message, the tears pricking at my eyes, I hang up, I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what I had wanted to say in the first place, I just thought if I heard his voice everything would make sense again, everything would be fine.

Maybe it was time I forgot about Perri, maybe we should both go back to living the lives we had weeks ago, the lives where we didn't exist in each others, where I was the good student, where he was the famous dancer, maybe this was for the best.