Behind The Camera

Chapter Thirty Nine.

It was the day before me and Perri was due to fly out to America. I was nervous, and I still had my doubts about it. I had stayed at Perri's a few nights this week and he had stayed here, much to Stacey's happiness. Sam and Perri got on so well, it was weird having two males in the house, and I was sure that when I go to America with Perri that Sam moving in would become permanent, if me and Perri could live together in America there was no reason as to why we couldn't when we got back home. I had spoken to work, and they agreed that I could work in America, as long as I was available at certain times to video conference call for new routines and rehearsals, I would also have to plan a new summer showcase without being in the same room as the dancers, meaning a lot of hard work was coming my way, but I knew that with Perri by my side I could do that.

Stacey was helping me pack the rest of my things up, everything felt real as I packed away my life into a small case. I had decided that I would only take a weeks worth of clothes, me and Perri had planned on going shopping when we arrived as we would be able to have days off together, and some of the shops in America looked a lot better than some of the ones we had in England. I look at the photos that I had hung up around my room, pictures of family, my first year at college, the showcase, random photos of me and friends, some that I didn't speak to now but were valuable assists in my growing up period.

"You're still having your doubts aren't you?" Stacey asks, sitting on my bed, patting the space next to her. "I just keep thinking what am I doing? like what if everything goes wrong out there" I mutter, looking down at the carpet on the floor. "Then you will always have your room here to come back to, nothing will change that, you're still my best friend, just because you're going to be in a different continent doesn't mean I forget you" She whispers, pulling me in for a side hug. At this moment I cry, I was just overwhelmed with emotions, some happy, some sad. I was excited to experience this with Perri, all of the Diversity boys had been so supportive, his family had been so supportive, even my Mum had her say, she argued with me for a while, but decided that it was my life and I was old enough to make my own choices, no matter how drastic moving to America for a few months was. "What if i'm making a massive mistake" I whisper, looking at Stacey. "Then it's a mistake we get through together" She whispers. "Stace, I got accepted at Stanford" I whisper, watching her face change. "You didn't tell me that" She whispers. I shake my head. "Yeah, I got accepted on to the honors course, they're really pleased with what I've been doing at the Academy, they were slightly concerned about my grades from the last few tests at college, I had the phone call yesterday" I whisper. The tears falling from my eyes again. "And now you don't know if going to America is the right choice knowing you have a Uni waiting for you at home" She whispers, I nod my head. "If you speak to Perri maybe he will understand" She whispers. "If I drop out now, he drops out too, that's too much for Diversity to lose" I whisper. "Tee, I love you, and I love how happy you are, but maybe you need to think about you right now, lets say things go wrong with Perri, where does that honestly leave you?" She asks. I stop and think, where does it leave me? I would of officially left college with my Level Three Diploma in English and Musical Theatre, I would have my Business award from work. I'd still have a job to come back to, but what was that?. "If you go, you still have a place to come back to, a place to start again, if you don't go, there's still a place here for you" She whispers, giving me a small smile. I nod my head. I guess I wouldn't really know how I felt till we left, till we landed, or till we got to the airport.

"I'm going to go and make some food, I'll let you have some time" She whispers, smiling at me before leaving my room, closing the door behind her. I sit on my bed and look around at my half empty room. I look at the photo on my bed side of me and Perri, there was a few new additions to the photos of me and him, but the one that caught my eye was the main one, the photo in the milkshake bar, how happy we was, how happy I was. I look at the one next to it, it was the photo Elvie and Starr had taken of us in Perri's kitchen, the one glimpse of our lives. The way we was around each other, how it didn't matter who else was in the room. I then look at the one we had taken last week, the three photos Perri had taken on his phone when he gave me the key to his house. Anyone looking at those photos would see its the start of a relationship, and the progress made through it, but all I saw was two young adults, taking each chance they had to spend time with each, maybe moving too fast, too quick, but it didn't matter because we cared about each other. I had decided to leave these photos here, as I knew we would take many more in America. I look at Perri's Harry Potter jumper, folded up neatly on my chest of drawers, the first thing I went to when I needed comfort, and I knew I couldn't have him around. I play with the necklace around my neck. 'Something to have so you have a piece of me' it had become my fidget toy, but the memory of the day he gave it to me was still planted in my brain, along with all the other memories. But that's all everything was, all it was, was memories, setting stones leading us to today, leading us to tomorrow. We never knew this would happen a month and half ago, we never knew that in twelve hours time we would be boarding a plane, starting the next chapter of our lives together.

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"Have you said bye to your mum" Perri asks, as we sit on the sofa together. I nod my head, not really playing attention. "Yeah, Lacey said to ring her when we land" I reply, looking at the TV, I didn't even know what we was watching. "Well, I said we would drop at the studio later just to say bye to everyone" He replies, giving my hand a squeeze. How was he so cool about leaving? I thought it would bother him a bit more than he was letting on. I know he used to travel all the time with Diversity, but this time it was just me and him, was he not going to miss the boys? I knew I was going to and I wasn't as close to them as Perri. "Yeah that'll be nice" I say, before looking back to the TV. "Actually. I have something to give you" He whispers, turning the TV off.

Was it an engagement ring? A promise ring? Keys to a new house?

I don't know why those were the first thoughts in my head, and I felt slightly stupid for assuming it would be one of those, but right now I was in a stage where I didn't know what I wanted, how I felt, or how to deal with everything. I felt if someone asked me if I was okay i'd crack and just cry and scream.

Perri stands up from the sofa, and walks into the hallway, pulling out a bag. He brings the bag in and hands it to me, sitting next to me. "As much as I want to sit and watch you open it, i'm going to head to the studio, if you don't want to open it right now its fine, I was going to give it to you in America" He smiles, kissing my cheek. "I'll meet you there soon, i'll just finish packing" I whisper, he nods his head before letting himself out. I look down at the green bag in my hands. I sigh and open it up, pulling out a brown scrapbook.

I look at the front of the book. "Behind The Camera, to In-front of The Camera" it reads.
I open the book to the first page and there was photos that I had taken, photo's I didn't think anyone had seen. Photo's of Starr and Elvie, Photo's of Diversity rehearsing, Photo's of Sam and Stacey, Photos of Lacey and Kayden. Every photo I had taken in the last two months was in this book. I turn the next few pages, and notice photos I had never seen in my life. Next to each photo I hadn't seen was written a date, a caption next to it letting me know the build up to the photo. The first photo that catches my eye was me sat on the beanbag during training, staring at Ashley and Perri doing some move. The next photo was me, Starr and Nathan sat on the beanbag laughing. The next one was me and Starr laughing about something, the one after that was Me, Lacey and Kayden on the night of the dancing on ice finals, another one was the photo of me and Perri in his kitchen, a few photos from Perri's surprise party, Photos of me laughing with Jordan, Photos of me laughing with Ashley, photos of me playing with Cass, Mimi and Rose at Perri's party. I feel the tears brimming my eyes, I turn the next page and see all the photos I had taken with Perri during our relationship, glitter and stars sprawled across the pages. As I turn the last book the quote written on the last page was 'a photo can tell a thousand words, but the words I'd rather say are; I love you x' I smile to myself.

I place the book on the table, and pull my feet up onto the sofa, resting my head on my knees, why was this so hard?