We are on our way home finally, I got through it with only a few mishaps and my secret was safe with me. We had one more performance, I couldn't stand up withour feeling faint so Miss. N told me to just sit and watch, being the stubborn person I am I didn't want to let the the choir down or the year 11 vocal group so I didn't. I got up and stood waiting on stage with the other 10 girls in year 11.
"Are you okay, you don't have to do this" Miss. N said
"I can't let them down, you know what I am like, I can't let you down, it's the last performance of tour I have to do this."
We proceed on the little stage and sing the song but as soon as I get off I have to go and sit down, I can't stand up for much longer or I will faint. Jai sees me and comes and grabs me just before I faint, he sits me down and tells me to rest my head on his shoulder. I sit for another twenty minutes but I have to get out before I have a panic attack.
I run out and stop breathing next thing I know I am on the fround surrounded by Mr.H, twin, Lu, B and Miss. N, Cass, Jo and Pen are trying to keep the others away. I can't remember clearly what happened but I know I am about to get a lecture of Miss. Noble.
"Guys give us some time please?" I hear the voice I am dreading the most right at this point
"What happened, you were resting on Jai inside then I come out to see if you are okay and your on the ground non responsive, you scared the living daylights out of me. What have you eaten today?"
"Ummmmmmm nothing, I have just had a bottle of water"
"Dissappointed, I am actually dissappointed in you, I thought you would have learnt from this week but no, am I just wasting my time?"
"I can't do this right now, I can't talk to you, let a lone hear that, you know my fear in dissappointing you, you know that it's dominating me right now. Get me up I wanna leave you alone right now."
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"Al, you scared us so much, never do that okay baby, we were so worried about you, especailly Jai he felt so hopeless and all he wanted to do was wake you up." B tells me when I walk around the back.
"Where's Miss.N" Mr. H asks me
"Dunno, don't really care, she is around the front I think." I say. Mr.H knows how close we are so he doesn't scold me talking about her like that like he normally would with another student.
"Go find her, I got a text asking to send you to her. Just go please don't but me, only you and her knows what is going on but I do know she is worried sick about you Ally, don't make me take her position with you."
I walk around the front to find Miss. N not there, I go and look on the big bus and there she by herself crying, she doesn't notice me get on. I go and sit next to her and I pull her in and hug her, she puts her head on my shoulder and cries and cries.
"Don't waste tears on me, it's silly, you know that"
"I can't loose you, you are increadibly special to me and I can't lose you. You were unresponsive for twenty minutes, that was the slowest most painful twenty minutes of my life. I didn't think you were going to wake up, I am not dissappointed in you, I just needed to scare you, i love you so much and I beg of you not to hate me please, I can't have you hate me, I feel like it is just you and Mr.H on my side right now"
"You aren't going to lose me, I don't hate you and I never could. You mean the world to me it's ridiculous how much you mean to me, I actually wouldn't be here if I didn't have you."
I pull her in closer and we hug each other, as she stops crying she pulls away and says
"You have so much to live for, I am so proud you haven't made the 30 second decision."
I can't respond, I just smile, how could I ever tell her that I have and failed after today.
