"No no no!" I say as I hear her actually running up the stairs
"It's going to be okay" Pen tells me
"Ally please tell me it's not true, please tell me the girls are just saying it, don't , I can't believe it. You promised me you wouldn't, you know that's the only thing that could disappoint me" Miss.N is already crying, the one thing I couldn't bare to see, if I wasn't fully broken I am now.
"I know I promised, but it was broken and I'm sorry"
"Don't be sorry, don't. You don't need to be. You know I have had a hard year, you of all people should know that. This was both of our escapes we both wanted to get away and I should've known you weren't right but I didn't. It's my fault but I can't lose you of all people you."
"Come outside?" I plea to Miss.N
"Yea of course darlin"
I breakdown in her arms outside, I can't cope. I can't see her cry any longer but she keeps going as I keep crying she holds me for as long as I need. I start to calm down and pull away to start to talk.
"How? What did you use"
"All the medication in the cupboard"
"Why?"
"I'm fading away, I'm worthless in everyone's eyes, I can't handle being sad anymore"
"I love you so much and I can't lose you, you keep me going, you keep me coming back to work every single day. I want to quit but you and it's always you that keeps me here. I can't come to work one day and hear the news you have killed yourself. I ant wake up to a text from you saying goodbye, I can't lose you."
When I think my eyes are dry the fill up and pour out more water.
"I love you too" I say hugging her again. She kisses me on the forehead and whispers
"You will always be my angel but just make sure you are alive so I can see my angel everyday. I want to see my angel walk down the aisle looking so beautiful and her wedding day. I don't want to see my angel going down the aisle in a coffin."
I'm exposed and I'm loved everything I felt everyone felt different. This is my real family these are the people who care the most. I will try and get better for them, no one else.
Miss. Noble has shown me that my life is worth living for and that I do have a spot on this earth. I am wanted and needed by people and if I take myself away people are going to grieve.
Tonight I vowed to Miss. N that I will never try to take my life again.
