Happy Anniversary.

23. Join The Club.

Alex's POV
"So he still hasn't been in school? Vic and Mike haven't been here either." Jack's voice in my phone the past couple days had been the only thing to keep me sane. Between my parents constantly being home and the stress of school, I was struggling. I found myself thinking about my blades twice as often as I thought about any other singular thing. Because of this, and the fact that I missed him, we had text one another from the time we woke up until the time one of us fell asleep.
"Yeah, it's weird. I don't know, I trust Vic though to handle things. And his parents are helping out too, ya know?" Jack was forever my voice of reason. Anytime anxiety set in, he would show me reality. It didn't always work, but it did help a lot.
"Yeah, I guess. It's just weird being at school without them. Vic has never missed a day of school that I can remember, and without Mike there, it's kind of...relaxing, almost."
"I'm glad. You don't deserve to go to school terrified every day."
That's not true. You know you only deserve the worst.
"Right...I've got to go. I'll talk to you tonight?" Tonight, we would meet at Rian's place. We planned to stay there the entire weekend. Although it hadn't even been a full week since the last time we saw each other, but somehow not even being allowed to have the option to see one another made it that much worse.
"Of course, my love. I'll see you in a couple of hours." I got the weird tingly feeling in my chest I got whenever he called me his love. I liked how, even though he called me his love constantly, he hadn't told me he loved me yet. We had some silent agreement that saying those words should be very special, and not used flippantly.
"Bye." I whispered, but he had already hung up. Stretching out on my bed, I decided I should probably get up and pack my stuff before Rian showed up in the next twenty minutes. I threw some baggy sweatpants, t-shirts, and a pair of jeans in case we went somewhere. Throwing a heavy jacket on over my sweatshirt and pulling on an old pair of converse, I grabbed my bag and phone before heading downstairs to wait, hoping my parents would beat Rian here.
I wasn't stuck in my living room for long. Within five minutes of me sitting down on my couch, the familiar sound of Rian's car rang from my driveway. Rushing out, I went from the couch to the passenger's seat in less than a minute flat. "Ready?" Rian shouted over his stereo blasting New Found Glory, dancing in his seat completely off beat.
"Yessir!" I replied equally as loudly and enthusiastic, leaning back in my seat and watching my friend enjoy himself.
We arrived at his house twenty minutes full of blaring music later. Cassadee was sitting on his porch steps watching snow flurries melt into the ground, sipping what appeared to be hot chocolate. While I grabbed my stuff from the back seat, Rian walked up to the porch to greet his girlfriend. She set her scalding drink down right before he picked her up and spun her around, as if she expected it to happen. She squealed and Rian laughed. "Rian! Put me down!" She yelled unconvincingly.
"Hmm...or I could do this!" He shouted back at her while throwing her in the snow, following not far behind her.
"You dick!" She laughed, wiping the snow from her hair. Rian began to shower her in kisses and tickles. I grinned at their antics; I never got to see Rian like this unless he was around Cassadee, so filled with boyish energy. It made me wish I didn't burden him as much so he could show me more of this side of himself.
Pulling himself and his girlfriend from the wet snow, he met me at the front door to his house while Cass gathered her hot chocolate before returning to her boyfriend's side. "Mom, Alex is here!" Rian shouted towards the dining room.
"Okay, honey! Hi Alex!" She shouted. I smiled. Rian's mom was the nicest person ever. I had only been to Rian's house a few times before, but every time I did come, she made me feel welcome and comfortable. She would be leaving soon for a business trip, like Rian had told me, but it would be nice to see her for a short time.
"Hey Mrs. Dawson!" Rian's father had died years ago, but she still wore her wedding ring and insisted on being called by her married name. They were star-crossed lovers, meeting when they were around the same age as Rian and Cassadee were when they met. They never dated anyone but each other, and I had never seen a couple more in love than them.
Rian's mother walked into the room, wearing black slacks and a purple button-down shirt. She looked eloquent and professional with her glowing face and detailed hairdo. It was hard to believe she was over twenty-five, let alone forty. Kissing me on the cheek, she gave a squeeze of a hug before turning to Rian. "Now, I've ordered you guys pizza. Rian, you'll have to go pick that up." Suddenly, her voice lowered and her face got serious. "Remember the house rules. Got it?"
He groaned and turned cherry red. "Yes, mother. Shouldn't you get going?"
She feigned offense. "Rian Dawson! Are you trying to kick out your one-and-only, loving, caring mother?"
"That's exactly what I'm doing." He chuckled and crossed his arms.
She rolled her eyes and leaned in to kiss him goodbye. "All of you, be safe and have a good weekend! I'm not coming home early to bail you guys out of jail." She winked at us while grabbing her car keys, walking out the door before any of us could formulate a response.
"What could we possibly do that would end us in jail? I mean, look at us! Not exactly the faces of terror!" Cass laughed, leaning into Rian. He squeezed her before pushing her away and heading towards the front door. "Where're you going?"
"You heard her; gotta go get pizza. Why she didn't just order for them to bring it here..." He grumbled, obviously not excited to leave us here and drive in the snow.
Cass grinned at her lover's disgruntlement. Kissing him on the cheek, she handed him the keys and pushed him out the door. "Go get us food! Jack will be here soon, and I want to be able to eat when he gets here."
"Ugh, fine." He simply couldn't resist her. Even though she was ordering him around, he still watched her with loving eyes. I hoped Jack and I could be like that one day, effortlessly happy.
Once Rian's headlights receded down the street, Cass and I went to sit in the living room. I pulled out my phone to check things, but Cass had other ideas. "Alex? Can we talk about something?"
I locked and sat my phone on my lap, hesitantly looking as her serious expression. "Sure..."
She took a large breath before beginning. "I just, we never talk alone, and I thought I'd take this change to check up on you."
I raised my eyebrows. "What do you mean?"
"I don't want to bring up old news, but I'm talking about Halloween." A pit dropped in my stomach. I had done a pretty good job with blocking that night from my mind.
"Oh..."
"Yeah. Look, I'm not looking to give you shit for trying to kill yourself when there's ons of people that love you and it's selfish-"
"Look, Cass." I had to cut her off. "I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine."
She rolled her eyes and give me a look of disbelief. "Right. But you didn't let me finish. I was going to say I understand what you're going through, and I'm here to help you if want me to." Her arms crossed around her torso and she looked at the ground, becoming uncomfortable. "I, um, I tried to do something similar a couple of years ago. I took a bottle of pills and..." Her eyes attached to my arms. "I was gonna slit my wrists, but Rian had come to visit me on surprise. That was the night he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. He had dressed up in a suit and brought me a dozen roses. He found me on my bedroom floor, half passed out with a blade against my wrist. What made it worse was that my parents weren't home, so Rian had to call the ambulance because this was obviously before he could get his license and his mom had already left. He put me in an ice cold shower to keep me awake, and he was sobbing for me to stay awake. We spent the night in the hospital instead of at dinner, like he had planned." Cassadee's eyes were shining as she finished her story, sniffling so she wouldn't cry. She leaned forward and took my hands in hers. "I'm not telling you this so you can pity me, because I'm better now. I would have died without Rian; if he had left me after that night, I would have tried again to die. He stayed with me and did more than I can ever repay him for. I'm telling you all of this for two reasons. One, so you know you can come to me for anything. I know there's just some things you don't want to bring up with your boyfriend or Rian because, let's be real, he can get a little temperamental when it comes to people he cares about." She winked, lightening the air. "You can come to me with that stuff. I'd like to think I know pretty well some of the things you're feeling, unfortunately, and I want to help you in any way I cam."
Tears welled in my eyes. I was so moved by her story, it was everything I could do to not burst into tears. "Thank you, Cass. You have no idea how much that means to me."
Her smile was bittersweet. "Of course, Alex. This is what I would have wanted when I went through this."
I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped up and engulfed her in a hug. "T-T-Thank you." I was repeating myself, but I didn't care. There were no words to express how I was feeling.
She squeezed me back tighter than I was holding her. "The other reason I was telling you this is Jack."
"Jack?"
"Yes, Jack. That night...he looked more in pain that I remember Rian being. Granted, I was kind of focusing on a lot of other things rather than how worriedly he was looking at me. Nevertheless, I don't think I've ever seen anyone more in pain than Jack was when he saw you." She pulled back from the hug and looked me directly in the eyes. "Jack is going to take such good care of you. Whether he's said it or not, he loves you so much. He will do anything for you; it's obvious. But you have to let him in. I know it will be difficult, but you have to let him help you recover."
Guilt burned on my face. "But...I don't know if I want to get better." I whispered.
She sighed, pulling me back into a tight hug. "Getting better is a chore, I'll be honest. It's not something anyone wants to do at first. You just have to jump in and do it. Eventually, you'll get into a rhythm and recovery will become so much easier. Please, if you're mental health isn't enough motivation for you to get better, do it for Jack. You know he's been sick like this before, and I know how easy it is to fall back into it if you let it. If you're going to stay in a relationship with Jack, you have to think of him too. You have to consider his needs just as much as your own."
I had never thought of recovery and mine and Jack's relationship as interconnected before, but now I realized they had to coexist. I squeezed her once more before breaking away and sitting back down. "Thank you." I whispered one more time.
"Of course." She grinned. Seconds after she spoke, the door flew open, revealing Rian holding two pizzas, his hair flecked with snow. Checking my phone, I realized we had spent nearly half an hour talking. I didn't regret a second of it though. It left me feeling refreshed and ready to take on anything that came to me.
I didn't expect the first thing to come to me would be a Jack Barakat in sweats, hair disheveled and eyes surrounded in deep bruises. He stood right behind Rian, and I pushed past the pizza boxes and reached my boyfriend just as he collapsed in my arms. "Hey, hey, Jack. Are you okay?"
His arms wrapped around me and his kissed my neck lazily. "Yeah, yeah. I'm just tired."
I couldn't help but chuckle a little. "You don't say."
Leading him to the living room, Rian and Cassadee stood near the front entrance. "Cass and I are gonna go get everything set up, okay?" Rian asked me.
"Wha-I mean, yeah..." Cass tried confusedly. I appreciated them giving me a few seconds alone with Jack. It was clear there was much we needed to talk about.
I sat Jack down on the couch and made him face me, putting my hands on his knees. Cassadee's words from earlier weighed heavy on my mind. You have to consider his needs as much as your own. "Jack, what's going on? Don't give me a bullshit answer, either. There's obviously something going on."
Jack's lips collided with mine in response. This kiss, if it could even be called that, was heavy, hard, and hot. His teeth clashed against mine and he bit my lips harshly. I wasn't objecting, but I knew this was just his way of distracting me. I tried to pull away, but when he tangled his fingers through my hair and tugged on it harshly, I turned into hot putty, melting in his hands and letting him do as he pleased. His hands roamed my body, covering my sides and back and legs and everywhere they could reach. Within our unrelenting kiss, I tasted saltwater. I ignored it for his sake, but pulled my brusing lips away from his, desperate for oxygen. "We're gonna talk about this later, okay?" I told him sternly. He nodded in response, keeping his forehead against mine as he leaned for my lips again.
Loud, obnoxious throat-clearing sounded from Rian's kitchen. The other couple stood in the doorway, holding food and smug faces. I pulled Jack to me, wrapping my arms around the shaking boy, giving my middle finger to them in response.