OC Reviews and Advice No One Asked for

Annoying humor

On Wattpad, I've noticed that the main girl is always hilarious no matter how lame her jokes are. She's "sassy", y'all! Laugh!! But yeah seriously I've noticed a lot of YA humor will go like this:

I lift the cheeseburger to my lips and moan sensually. God I LOVE food. I would bomb an orphanage if it meant I could have more food. 

"Remember that time you committed war crimes in Bosnia for a single french fry?" My one dimensional BFF, Bubbly Barbara, asked with a laugh. I smile at the fond memories. it was a delicious french fry. I shove the rest of the burger into my food-hole like the disgusting slob that I am. The flavor makes me squirt coochie juice into my jeans. Aren't I so relatable when I'm concerningly gluttonous?

Stop it. Everyone likes food. That's like saying "OMG does anyone else love breathing oxygen??? I would do ANYTHING for oxygen. I'm not like other organisms, like those plant sluts who breath carbon dioxide." See how that's stupid? 

Another kind of humor I see a lot is the "sassy" kind. Where the main character will dish out literally the world's lamest, cringiest "roast", absolutely DESTROY her opponent and all the witnesses of the absolute verbal SLAUGHTER all CREAM their JEANS at the sheer wit and comedic genius of the MC.

"I'd slap you, but I don't wanna get bitch-ass nerd on my hand" sneered Brittney, her makeup-caked whore face twisting into an ugly smile. Her fake boobs bounced boobily.

"Yeah? Well..." I rub my hands together to prepare myself for what I was gonna say next. Could I really do it? Giver her the ultimate roast? Maybe even someone like Brittney didn't deserve a burn so fatal. However, I had no other choice. I had to say it. "Your mom!" I retorted. 

Brittney's face went white. Everyone else in the room gasped. After a few moments of  silence, people started clapping and cheering. They lifted me onto their shoulders and started carrying me around while Brittney started crying and pissing herself and dissolving into a mush of silicone and self-hatred. They carried me all the way to the white house where Ben Shapiro and Donald Trump were waiting for me with smiles on their faces. Ben fastened a golden medal around my neck.

"We give you the award of 'Ultimate Destroyer of Libtards'. Honor your title well, young comedic genius." said Donald Trump. I bow before them and cry tears of joy. Take that, Brittney Liberal-Scum!

Lmao okok I'll stop now but yeah if you're gonna use comebacks, please don't get them from the internet. And also don't laugh at your own jokes. If the other characters in the story are always commenting on how funny something is, it just feels like the author is just giving themselves a blowjob right in front of me.