this is real life? >jg<

the dream

chapter 34:

(holly freaking crap 34)

it has been 5 days since joey had been released from the hospital before he left i would remember the doctor saying

"a miracle i call you"

i was amazed that joey was a miracle.

i was sitting in his apartment sitting watching little mermaid. odd choice i know but i wanted to watch it so bad, and surprising he had it.

we werent exacting 'cuddling' i wasnt compleatly trusted with joey. yes, i like joey, but im not sure if i love him? i know i have said that i loved joey multiple times in the hospital, but i wondered if i actually really meant it. i mean maybe i just wanted him alive he is such a almost trusting, caring friend.

but does it deserve so much that i love him?

i dont feel the sparks which makes me confused cause when i first met him it was so much things going on in my stomach, feeling as if butterflies in my stomach flying.

but now i dont. do i not love him anymore as i thought.

i dont know i have to think this through alone. i have so much going on that i take it all in all at once.

i quickly stood up, joey with a startled face confused

i didnt know what to say "i-i have to go um to something ill c-call you later?" i said not giving any eye contact

"uh yeah sure. is everything alright?"

"oh y-yeah!" i gave a slight smile

"okay, i talk to you later then"

"bye"

i walk out the front door of the building towards my car

shit, im have to callie, she is probably so so so worried about me she hasnt seen me in literally months

she hasnt called, did she forget about me? i wouldnt blame her i havent talked to her, i have been so caught up with joey and all i havent talked to her, but also not being on my phone constanly, it really grossed me out considering i was still in dirty sweats and a hoodie i have worn at the hospital for more than two weeks, i have to take a shower too,

i parked in the driveway, took a deep breath before getting out, i walked up the porch sighed

i dont have the home keys sense i left them here,it felt weird enough seeing callie again, but making it worse by having to knock at your own house.

callie opens and bewilderment written upon her face

she had he hands over her mouth and gasped before giving me a tight hug, i was suprised but eventually hugged back.

"your okay" he laughed

"im okay?" i asked in confusion

"you dont know how much i have worried about you, i almost thought you were dead"

"dead?"

"yeah..."

"callie, im sorry, i should have called you, texted you knowing where i have been for the past wee-"

"you really dont have apoligze, but yeah letting me worry about you" she paused " a lot of people asked what your doing with your youtube?"

"oh my god, my youtube!" i face palmed and groaned

"dont tell me you forgot about that too liana, youtube is literally your entire life"

"is it bad?" "more than bad" she replied

"i dont know but im going to do with it callie, honestly i just really need a lot of time to think about everyhing, i have so many things going on my mind"

"i get it, take all the time you need, ill just tell that you need time, im sure theyll understand"

"yeah i guess"

i walk up to my bedroom, nothing has changed sense the last time ive seen it, the sheets are still unmade, clothes on the floor, papers on my dresser, and my camera... my camera"

i sit down on my bed staring at the camera, what do i do? do i continue, quit?

time sure has past cause i ended up falling asleep.

i was woken up by a liable nightmares ive been having, it started when i found out joey was going to possibly die, it was the scariest thing, but the thing about it, is that i dont rememeber any of it when i wake up.