The Cut

Cutting

I would just like to make it clear that I am not wrighting this tas a simpathy thing. I am wrighting this as a way to make myself feel better. So there is no reason for the messages that I have been getting. I get it I shoud kill myself, but it dosnt mean that I need to hear it from you guys. I get enough of it at schools. There has been 2 people that have messaged me and they wernt rude. they made me want to live, strive to have a better life. But then I go and read the multiple messages telling me to kill myself already and I honestly find it rediculas. Thx for those who do actualy care - @reading_to_the_end

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------She has neverr been able to understand why people can be so mean. Stabing her in the heart with every violent word said through their beautiful pearly white teeth or over the internet. She dosnt know how to dezl with the pain though so she goes home and does the only thing she trulys knows how to do perfectly. She cuts. She cuts alot. Just one she tells heself, knowing it was going to be alot more then one. How can she controol the panic attacks she gets from these horrible people, the cuts that they might as well have done herself. At least she could take that pain. It drives her insane that she can say that. The pain of cutting is so normal now, like getting dressed, or getting up and going to school(for those who do go to school that is). She strives for perfection. She strives for those grades above 95. She wants nothing more then to have a stable life and GPA. How can that happen though when she tries her hardest and stil gets a 70 when other people got a 100. She is mentaly unstable. She cuts because she wants to not because she has to. She ruins her own life. Other people help lead her in that direction, but it isnt them sitting in the shower or on her bed making her hold a blade in her hand. They make her want to. They dont do it for her.

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Sorry if that makes no sence. I was just typing and then I lost track of what I was actaly saying and just started typing whatever came into my head.

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UPDATE ON THE CHARACTER: Pretty much the same as before except now my cutting is getting rediculas. I am actualy getting worried. I have never cut this much/deep before. I started doing it on my right arm again, I hadnt done that sence I was 11. Well I mean I guess there is always that part of u that never forgets how to. I might die soon, but who even cares anyway. Thx :l - @reading_to_the_end