Caged Crown

◇19 (part2)

Dedicated this chapter to Beauty4evarbeau cause I had read her book 'A Diamond in Islam' Mashallah and it just inspired me but the sad thing was I couldn't read full cause the other part is in the Amazon. Inshallah I'll try to read.

May allah help and protect us.

''Stop. Breathe. Remind yourself - Allah is with you. He's watching over you. He's testing you because He loves you. He hasn't forgotten you. He's making you stronger. Now smile. Alhamdulillah."

30-03-2020

Curiosity was at peak when he said that he had already met my dad and I wonder why my dad hadn't come up with this topic. "What did he say?" I asked him.

"He rejected my proposal saying you're already hitched to someone." He sounded acidic.

"Seriously that was a lie. They just informed me about this recently and I haven't seen that guy yet. Both families are okay with this but they didn't go that far. Did you really believe to what my dad said?" I said huffing. "Okay, I understand. I'll call you later. Bye." Maybe it was anger that prompted me to hangup. I needed to tell him to don't lose hope but I can't even spell anything just infront of him, it's as if my throats are tied while speaking. That's because I'm tired of pretending like I'm fine. I'm really tired of this drama. For how long do I have to pretend like I don't know anything about my heart and its defect? what if I die before even confronting the truth before them? I'm independent lawfully but not mentally and physically. I really need to fight for myself. But how? Allah has blessed me with everything. Good mind and good knowledge. Therefore, I have to fight for myself, for my heart, for Ayman and for the both of us. If I'm not going to fight for me, then who else would? I took out my dairy and added 'to-do-list', then I started writing things that I need to do for myself. So my first step is to 'fight for my heart'. Fighting for my heart is like fighting for the crown. But the only difference is that the king would live even without the crown but a person can't live without the heart.

Then, I no longer have to pretend, I no longer have to act, I no longer have to fear. I'm going to do this for me, for Ayman, for the both of us. I heard a knock on the door.

''Come in."I said without taking my eyes off the diary. I knew who it could be.

"Crawl into the diary, why don't you?" She groaned and I let out a chuckle.

"I'm going out with Jabir and you go and get ready in five minutes." She said and I thought for a moment. "I'm not in..." She cut me off "This is an order, not a request so do what I say."

"Yeah, I'll be back in five minutes." Saying that I walked straight to the dressing room and put on my favourite lavender colour top with a plain black jeggin. I may able to get rid of Ayman's thoughts just by going out. I put on my baby pink coloured hijab and walked out. Before that, I need to call Naeef and clarify him about something.

**

Evening sun's warmth hit my face. This place is so amazing. Subhanallah, not so far away from my house. I sat across Jabir and Lunah. She started complaining and babbling about something and Jabir just ignored while sipping his cappuccino. This place is wonderful, not so crowded and half serene, the walls were built with glasses. I pressed my forehead against the glass and gazed out, I wonder where Ayman is. I hope he'll call me again. I'm sure he isn't upset with me.

I came here to stop thinking about him and here my mind travelled that far as I inhaled the sweet odour of my favourite hot chocolate. "Excuse me, I'll be back. Laiha, take care of my wife." He said looking at me and then his eyes shifted to Lunah's.