Powder [phan]

V

WARNING: SMUT, ALCOHOL USE, ANGST, MENTION OF DRUGS, PTSD (?), DEPRESSED THOUGHTS, SLIGHT MENTION OF ABUSE

Phil's POV

A few days later we were once again fully at work.

I hadn't mentioned it any more, nor had Dan. The next day Dan was acting weird, reserved, fearful. It broke my heart, but when we lay on the couch and cuddled that same evening, it was suddenly okay. When we made out on the couch, I was fully aware that Dan trusted me.

I couldn't imagine what it was like for Dan, how it felt to live with such a horrible experience. In my free time I had searched for helpful tips or people with a similar experience on the internet, but so far I didn't know how to use the information I got. He was supposed to go to a therapist, but he would never do that. I had to help him.

Oliver was supposed to be here in half an hour so we could talk about some projects.

Dan seemed better today, not shivering as much as he did a few days ago. I was still very proud of him.

We were in the kitchen together. I was leaning against the kitchen counter, thinking about Dan, while Dan was sitting at the table. I tried to ignore the fact that his eyes literally undressed me. I couldn't help thinking about the future.

How should that go on? When will this end? How? We couldn't do it forever, so would we just wait until we lose interest in each other? What if that never happens?

Maybe it would only go so far until one of us got to know someone else. Or until Dan got bored. Even though his lifestyle had changed, I didn't think he was going to sleep only with me.

I felt selfish because I was thinking about this thing while there were so many bigger problems. But I was with him around the clock at the moment, but as soon as I was no longer, he would surely look for other partners with whom he would end up in bed. Until someone was better than me. Maybe I was just a stopgap to distract him from his addiction, to keep him entertained as long as he couldn't go on with his party life.

These thoughts hurt, even if I couldn't even blame him. That was the deal. He was still just my best friend, with benefits, but still it didn't seem desirable to me to just be replaced. I didn't want it to end. No more. We had gone too far for that.

It might have been normal for Dan, but not for me. He was the first man I had done this with and now I had to wait until I was ready to do it with someone else. And that could take a long time.

Suddenly I felt two hands on my shoulders and Dan suddenly stood in front of me.

"What is it?" He asked, and I couldn't stop staring at his lips.

I didn't want to tell him, probably never would, so I just pressed my lips to his and hoped he'd forget he had asked a question.

When I broke away from him, he looked at me in surprise, but kissed me again and started to unbutton my shirt.

I grabbed his wrists and gently pushed him away.

"Hey, no, Oliver will be here soon." I reminded him and closed some of the buttons again.

"You have started it. Besides, I really want you since we got up." I looked at him in amazement. His look was transfigured, demanding.

"Can't you wait a few more hours until Oliver is gone?" I wanted to know without understanding, even if it already excited me somewhere. He was standing right in front of me and I could just bend him over the kitchen table and-

He seemed to suspect that he was close to getting me around again because he was coming towards me, running his hands down on my side.

"Come on. Time pressure is a good motivation, isn't it? How long will it take, huh?" He asked, running his hand over the bulge in my pants. I moaned slightly, he grinned dirty. I felt my knees soften.