Powder [phan]

XXII

Phil's POV (a few hours before)

Dan was gone. After I had unsuccessfully searched for him in the surroundings of his and our apartment, I ended up in the middle of the city center, near a central hub of Londons light rail system.

My heart had been beating too fast for at least 20 minutes, but I just couldn't calm down. I slowly gave up hope of still finding him, so I stared thoughtfully at the light of the light rail, realizing that the train that was going towards Oliver would arrive immediately.

I stood between the crowds of people waiting for the arrival and shortly afterwards I pushed myself into the way too crowded train.

My pulse accelerated further when I saw the suspicious glances of the inmates, a few young people who probably recognized me and the idea that someone could address me in my current condition and that I had to pretend that everything was fine almost drove me crazy.

With every minimal braking of the train, people fell against me and I gradually became claustrophobic, just wanted to get out, wanted to see Dan, wanted to know that he was fine.

I reached the station from which it was only a few minutes' walk to Oliver's apartment, and yet I ran those few minutes myself, otherwise it would take too long.

When I arrived at the front door, I rang the doorbell, was finally let in, and burst into the building, whereupon I ran up the stairs and a short time later burst into the apartment, watched by a shocked Oliver, whom I almost pushed aside.

"Holy shit, Phil! What the fuck? What's going on?" Oliver understandably wanted to know and I turned to her frantically.

"Dan- He is-" I started and only now realized that my breath was not enough.

"Hey, calm down, or you'll be hyperventilating." He said, causing me to close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"Dan ran away."

"How ran away?" He asked confused. "Did something happen?"

"No, nothing happened. He said he wanted to get some things in his old apartment, but he never showed up. I couldn't join because I had an appointment and now he is no longer on the cell phone. I was in his old apartment, but he's not there. He's so fucked up all the time! What if he does something to himself? Or getting drugs? Or both? Shit, I have to find him. You have to help me, I don't know, I'm so scared. I'm so scared!" I started talking and didn't even notice that the person I was talking to was looking at me completely confused and probably understood absolutely nothing of what I was saying.

Only now did I register how I was trembling all over and watched Oliver put his hands on my shoulder.

"Calm down. Don't assume the worst. You have to tell me everything in peace, otherwise it won't work here, okay? Come on, let's sit down."

I looked silently into his green eyes and waited for him to tell me what to do, although he probably knew as little as I did. But at least he was able to deal with the situation more clearly.

"Okay, so what happened exactly?" He asked again and I felt that I simply didn't have the nerve to report to him in detail.

"Dan is gone, I don't know where, I can't find him. Nothing happened, nothing that comes to mind spontaneously. Except from last week where he just ran away and something has changed since then, but I was hoping it would go away and just be because of the withdrawal. But what if there is more. Worse."

"How worse?"

"He is so broken and empty, I think. Worse than in America, worse than in the hospital. As if he no longer feels anything, you know?" I explained and heard my voice shake as I spoke. "And I know what he was like in front of the hospital. It can't get any worse than that, can it?"