Powder [phan]

XV

WARNING: WITHDRAWAL, SELFHARM (?)

Dan's POV

The constant driving of the too loud trams at the station, which was not far from our apartment, shook me from sleep in the early afternoon.

I actually expected Phil's side of the bed to be empty since he almost always woke up in front of me, but this time he was still sleeping soundly. Precisely because it was so rare that he could sleep so well, I tried very hard not to make any sound when I got out of bed and had almost made it when my stomach suddenly growled and Phil started to move under the blanket.

He blinked at me sleepily and his messy hair made me grin.

"Seriously? You wake up from that but not from the fucking noise out there?" I asked amused. He laughed and slowly but surely struggled out of the warm blanket.

"I guess these are my instincts that tell me that you need something to eat. I can't just go back to sleep. Besides, I'm also hungry." He replied, got up and stretched extensively for now.

I watched him flex his muscles while doing so, forgot my hunger and wanted to pull him straight back to bed with me.

"Don't look at me like that." He noticed my look and came up to me.

He reached for my hands and looked me straight in the eye, which didn't exactly make me throw my thoughts overboard. His hands ran over my torso and I suddenly felt hot before he started to say anything.

"What do you think about me ordering some pizza, us comfortably eating something and then-"

"Then?"

"You know that very well."

"Say it."

He gave me a tender kiss and paused just before my lips.

"Then we're gonna fuck." He breathed against it and kissed me again until I couldn't hold back and put my tongue in, but he didn't seem to object either.

"Can't we skip the part with the food?" I asked in a deep voice, whereupon he pushed me away and looked at me in surprise.

"You voluntarily refrain from eating?" He wanted to know in horror that he made me laugh.

"For that."

"You can wait, we haven't eaten since the flight." He stayed reasonable and I realized that we still had all day. The whole week. Almost always. I would be able to wait until after dinner.

"Fine." I gave in and he kissed me again briefly before turning away from me to look for his phone.

"How are you actually?" Phil wanted to know when he had just ordered the usual and only now, when he asked, did I notice that I had been relatively well so far, except for the constant restlessness that suddenly occurred on the plane had turned into blatant withdrawal symptoms.

So it was already announced that I could soon have a similar situation, but at the moment everything was still okay. In addition there was the uncertainty in me what my confession had actually done to Oliver. He had reacted properly, although I could never really imagine what his reaction would be like. But what kind of aftermath would all this have?

"Good. So far, I'm good." I replied accordingly.

I didn't tell him that I was hiding a bag here in my apartment, the existence of which he didn't need to know. At some point I would dispose of it safely, but until then it didn't bother me, right?

I wasn't going to take any of it, but it was comforting to know that I had prepared for the emergency.

I didn't think about taking anything until the next day. It started when Phil just went out to get milk.