Powder [phan]

XIII

WARNINGS: SMUT, DRUG USE, ANGST

Dan's POV

The gentle chirping of very happy sounding birds woke me up in the early morning from my deep, restful sleep. Blinking, I opened my eyes and saw Phil standing, his back towards me, by the open window dressed only in boxers. For a moment I felt the relief that he was still there.

He looked thoughtful, but he exuded the calm that made him so different from me.

Phil had always thought about the tiniest little things until he got to the point where he no longer wasted his thoughts on unimportant things. I used to advise him not to worry about everything, but now I knew that he certainly wasn't philosophizing about any trivialities by the window.

I almost wished that it was the same as before and that he could have the worries he had back then, because he should really be spared with those that are in his head now. He hadn't deserved that all of this kept him awake and drove him out of bed so early after only sleeping for a few hours.

Last but not least, I was to blame.

The moment he took the hurdle to help me when he found out about my drug addiction, he was thrown into the cold water and forced to take responsibility from one day to the next.

Responsibility for me.

I couldn't control myself, so he had no choice but to keep control in my place.

That had made him stronger, in no time. But also challenged him unspeakably, so that I didn't know how much he would be able to endure. How much more I could put on him, even if we were at least together now.

Everything he had to go through because of me had shifted his priorities.

He only concentrated on what was really important and tried to regulate everything on his own.

Especially in the past few months, that must have required so much strength and now it was my turn to take at least one load off his shoulders.

The concern is whether I will continue to use drugs.

"Good morning." I murmured softly, whereupon Phil turned and smiled gently at me.

"Good morning." He rubbed his hair, yawned briefly and ran towards me a short time later, whereupon he sat on the edge of the bed. He gently stroke my hair, whereupon I closed my eyes and fully accepted his touch.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly and I just nodded. Considering the current situation and the fact that I was totally physically fucked, I was okay. He was here with me and I was okay.

"I still can't believe you're really here." I said softly when I opened my eyes again.

"But I am." He said in a rough voice. "I think we should talk."

He was right, which is why I started to nod slightly. I couldn't avoid a real conversation.

"Fine, then let me ask you one thing." I started and Phil nodded in agreement. There was actually something that hadn't kept me calm since he showed up here. "How did you know I was here?"

"Tyler."

"You talked to Tyler?"

"Yes. He was at my door at two in the fucking morning and then told me where you were."

"Tyler sent you here?"

For a moment I was afraid that Phil might not have been here at free will or that, without Tyler, he would never have thought of looking for me. If so, it wasn't unlikely that he would go away with the slightest problem.