I'm suffering but it's fine (Kokichi x Shuichi)

Chapter 1

Before

"My name is Kokichi Ouma! The ultimate supreme leader," I said with a fake smile. "The ultimate supreme leader?" The person I know as Kaede asked. "Yup! My organization has over ten thousand members!" I exclaimed "really?" Kaede asked confused "well I may be lying about that since I'm a liar after all!" I asked with a fake grin. "O-Oh..." Wow Kokichi you've already made a bad impression on people you've just met! Are you proud of yourself?

Now

Kaede's execution struck everyone hard. I kind of wish instead of Rantaro, she had killed me. Monokuma the black and white bear that has cause all this despair, said that we lost all of our memories, but I remember well enough from the voices and scars in my back that I'm worthless ugly and a fat piece of trash. That's all. Everyone hates me. After all, I am a liar. I lie all the time. Anything to make my mask stay on. I can't let anyone see how weak and fragile I actually am. That's why I think I can't be classified as the ultimate supreme leader. 

I hadn't noticed the knock on my door until I heard Shuichi Saihara the ultimate detectives  voice on the other end. "Kokichi? Are you all right you weren't around at breakfast or lunch..." I froze. I had lost track of time. "Um y-yeah I'm fine!" Oh shit I stuttered. Fuck. "Are you sure your ok? May I come in?" He asked with a hint of confusion in his voice. "NO!" I yelled with more anger that anticipated. Wait that's not how I meant to say it. "Oh ok it's clear that I'm unwanted here...bye I guess."
I stood there. Wow look what you did Kokichi! Guess what... he hates you now! Who knew you could be so foul and horrid! Good job! I felt tears rush to my eyes. I ran out of my room and went to the kitchen, hoping that Kirumi wouldn't notice me. I went through the drawers and grabbed a knife. I then quickly ran back to my room. Nobody noticing me. Not like they would care anyway. I lifted up my sleeve and started cutting. I thought five cuts on each arm would be good enough but I kept getting and urge to do more. I did ten more even opening old cuts. I then felt my vision getting blurry and I stopped. I grabbed a white bandage and wrapped both my arms in them. Thank god my clothes are white so it will blend with the bandages. I then felt sleepy so I laid down and fell asleep.