jahseh had a firm grip on my neck while pinning me down on the bed "your not ever leaving me, you hear me?" he said through gritted teeth
i smiled.. i like when he chokes me. "let go man" i tried to get up but he pressed his body against mine so i couldn't move
"your so annoying" i grunted "now your funny if you think your leaving" he laughed a little and let me go "sit down in that chair and don't fucking move until i tell you, you hear?" he pointed to a chair in the corner
"yes" i rubbed my neck walking over to the chair and sitting down. he went back to playing his game on the play station
"sooooo" i trailed off "i'm waiting" i said twiddling with my fingers. "for what?" he said still looking at the large screen in front of him
"for you to fuck me" he laughed "what's funny?" i questioned with a bit of a attitude, he thinks i'm playing but i'm being dead serious.
everytime he puts me in a corner he ends up fucking me some how, so now i've just gotten so used to it that i'm reminding him.
"what's with the attitude?" he questioned still ignoring my fucking question. "what if i actually did leave? what would you do?" i asked an off topic question that i've been thinking about for a while now
"kill you" he simply said. "i'd like that though" i replied "butttt what if i kill me first, like commit suicide you know?" i said
he snapped his head towards me "don't fucking say shit like that" he stared at me seriously. "okay sorry sorry" i put my hands up in defense. nah but for real tho
"you always talk about shit your going to do to me if i ever leave you, like kill me and all but you never think about if i kill myself first. do you wonder to yourself if i'm suicidal?" i vented
"are you-" "do you even care about me?" i cut him off, something he hates the most. "acting like we not suicidal together" he said
"yup suicidal buddies" i joked "you ain't trying shit tho and i fucking mean that with everything of me. i'm keeping you protected til the day i die" he said
"you tried-" "it's not about me, it's about you. yes ive attempted it plenty of times but those are old, that was the past and this is now." he cut me off
"you changed me. ever since i got with you, you changed my life, you made me a better person. people told me that you are good for me and better because they seen the good change in me since i've been with you" he said
yup you guessed it.. we're that toxic bipolar couple that have been together for years now. it's a normal thing for him to threaten to kill me and for me to laugh and not care because i really dont.
i really don't care what he does to me. i've been suicidal since i was eleven and nothing ever changed that. suicide everyday on my mind.. everyday everyday everyday, until i met this bozo sexy goofball man.
he's fucking crazy and thats what i like about him. i've always protected him and he's done the same with me.. but he's wayyyy more overprotective with me.
the thought of suicide is still in my brain no matter what. just because i'm with jahseh don't mean i don't be thinking about suicide sometimes.
shit he'll fucking kill someone for me and thats just fucking insane to me. he loves me a lot and it's just crazy
don't get me wrong i fricken love this man to death but it's just his actions that make it worse.
we keep each other in the house so we wouldn't get in any trouble what so ever. jahseh has always been the trouble type.
the type that wouldn't care if he went to jail or not because of the things he does. he really doesn't care what he does unless i'm with him
when i'm with him, i always give him that shine of light to wake his ass up and snap back to reality. 'you betta get your attitude straight for i bust a cap in yo ass' is what i say to him when he's doing something stupid
and that usually brings him back into reality just hearing my voice calms him all the time, that why i'm always around him.
"i fucking love you man, you don't understand the love i have for you." he said snapping ME back into reality.. wow that's the first, it's usually him
"i love you too goofy" i smiled "can i get out this chair now?" i asked "yea- when i demand you to go in the corner or some stupid shit like that, don't listen to me okay?" he said
i sat on the bed "that's gonna be hard" i said "let's try it" he got up from his ass and went towards me "go in the fucking corner!" he yelled making me jump up in fright and go in the corner
he looked at me "nooo your not supposed to go in the corner" he laughed "oh" i said slowly getting up from the corner "i'm sorry" i sighed
"don't be sorry baby" he went over to me and put his head on my head rubbing it a little and laughing "don't apologize"
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really have no clue what this is okay
50th story i published on this book
published at 12:27 AM
i love y'all, bye❤️
