The Flyer

CHAPTER 43: Crack and Crumble

CHAPTER 43: Crack and Crumble

I feel empty. I don't feel much of anything. I don't like being this in tune with myself only to have nothing. There is just emptiness. I feel empty.

"Well, hello handsome," Christian mused through the phone. "What can I help you with?"

I don't say anything for a moment. I look at Melanie who's asleep next to me. "I— I need you."

Christian chuckles softly. "I'm on my way."  He clicks.

---

I can barely breathe. I can barely talk. But this is what I wanted.

He'd shoved me up against the wall and fucked me. It was like the first time— full of want. Everything he did he did as if he were to never get to do it again. Everything was rough, hungry, yet passionate and tender. His lips brushed against mine but kissed bruisingly and he wouldn't let me breathe. He nuzzled my neck and bit down harshly on the skin by my throat.

"You know," he murmurs suddenly, "I completely forgot that Melanie was here."

"Well," I take the opportunity to breathe, "this isn't something that she isn't used to."

"In that case", he roughly fists his fingers in my hair, "let me hear you."

He thrusts in harshly as he pulls on my hair and I let out a hiss and a groan as my back arches. He hums and I feel as his lips form into a smile against the skin of my neck.

"That's better." He muses.

Later

"What's wrong, Kyle?" Christian asks as he runs his fingers through my hair.

I tense. "Nothing," It rolls off my tongue with the greatest of ease.

His icy eyes regard me silently and I feel as if he's staring into my soul and examining its contents.  He stares at me for a very long time but I hold my ground. He finally drops his gaze and puts his arms behind his head.

"You know that I know you only call me when something's bothering you, right?"

I look at him and a twinge of shame fills my body. His icy eyes have a glint of faraway sadness and I can't bring myself to lie to him.

"I don't know what it is that I'm feeling or not feeling," I mumble and inadvertently find myself curling up into a ball.

He sits up and hesitates for a moment before gently pulling me to him. When he sees I don't do anything to stop him, he talks. "Most of you have a lot of trauma which has led to pretty severe numbness and to survive you have all developed these coping mechanisms. Now I know you don't want to hear this," he adds when I lift my head up off his chest, "especially from me  since I brought you all into the business that you all do, but not all the coping mechanisms have been good for you."

This was too much. Wendy had just attacked me with this and now Christian was doing the same.

"It's okay," he murmurs, "You just have to wean yourself off."

I try to pull away but he doesn't let me. "I'm fine! I can go without sex. I just don't want to."

Christian's eyes fill with emotion and I hastily look away.

"Why should I anyway? Huh? I'm good at it and I like it and others like it," I defend. "There's nothing wrong with me!"

"I never said there was anything wrong with you," he murmurs.

Fuck.

"I- there's nothing else that I know how to do okay?"  It leaves my mouth before I can stop myself.