By The Pond - A Lams Story

Chapter 9

-Alex's Perspective-

Alex sits down on his sofa and takes a bite of the Hawaiian pizza, no pineapple, that he picked up on his way home and feels his phone buzz in his pocket. I wonder who's calling me? He picks up his phone and looks at the caller ID. Freckles? He answers it.
"Hey, Freckles."
"Hey, Alex." Alex hears John take a deep inhale of breath. "I'm not entirely sure how to ask you, and normally I'd do a cheesy pick-up line or some shit like that, but this situation isn't ideal, so..."
"So what?" Alex waits patiently. Is he asking me out?
"So would you go on a date with me? Feel completely free to say no." John's tone of voice suggests that he wants him to say no.
"Do you want me to say no?" Alex asks. "Because you did say the situation wasn't ideal."
"Honestly, kind of. My friends are over, and we're playing truth or dare, and Laf is trying to set me up with you when I've insisted that we're just friends, and I'm honestly not in the market for a boyfriend right now." John sighs. "They can't hear anything I'm saying right now, so I figured you deserve the truth."
"I see." For some reason, John's no hits harder than he thought it would.
John sighs again. "Yeah. I'm sorry for all this. They're being stupid."
"It's fine. Thanks for being honest with me." Alex smiles sadly. "Still friends, right?"
"Of course." John goes quiet. "You asked me about my father the other day at the park. He.. he kicked me out and disowned me for being gay. And it was pretty recent, so I- I'm still trying to recover from that. I don't think I have the mental and emotional capacity for a boyfriend right now."
"That makes sense. I'm sorry about your father." Alex does his best to comfort John, but he knows those wounds only heal with time.
"That's not even the part that bothers me the most. He's prevented me from seeing my mom or my little siblings. I just- I miss them so much, you know? And I can't see them or talk to them without worrying about what my father is going to do." John's voice cracks again, and Alex feels his chest physically aching for John.
"I'm so sorry. I understand what it's like to lose a family. My father abandoned my mother and I when I was ten, and my mother died when we both got sick when I was twelve. And at seventeen, I lost my brother. I- I lost everyone. So I know your pain." Alex sighs. "I'm here if you ever want to talk, alright?"
"Mhm." Alex isn't sure, but he thinks he hears a small sniffle. "Crap. How am I going to face them now?"
"Hmm. Maybe you could pretend that you feel absolutely horrible about the rejection and tell them that you want to be alone?" Alex suggests.
"They'll come after you, especially Herc. He's a fright when he gets angry." John sighs. "You're my friend, and I don't want them hurting you."
Alex smiles a bit at that. "But you obviously don't want to talk to them about this. I'll be fine. If nothing else, I can just get some help from my lawyer friends. Thomas has this seriously scary death glare."
John laughs weakly. "Okay. Thank you, Alex."
"It's no problem. See you tomorrow morning."
"See you." John hangs up.
And Alex immediately grabs his journal and starts recording everything he's feeling. 'I want to cry, just a bit, but not for my family- I've shed all the tears I ever could for each of them. And my chest is aching in a way that's never happened before. And I just want to give Freckles the biggest hug I could ever give him and never stop, at least not until he feels better.' He stops. 'Shit. I like him. Damnit. Why do feelings have to be so complicated? Why can't I just turn them off?' He sighs. 'That's why I think his smile is extremely cute, and I want to find the constellations in his freckles and buy him a turtle, just so I can see his smile and know I caused it.'
He sets down his journal. "Damnit. I got myself friend-zoned. Lovely. Wonderful. Fantastic. Superb. Phenomenal. Shit." He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. "Well, what do I do now? Can't ask him out, because he obviously doesn't want to date me. And if I ghosted him, I'd feel like an asshole because I just told him I would be there for him. So there isn't an option, is there? I get to be his friend. And only his friend." Alex sighs. "At least I still have that. And I can admire him from afar and do my best to make him smile. He has an extremely cute smile when it's genuine."
Alex sighs. I'm not going anywhere, Freckles. I promised I wouldn't. And I'll keep that promise. No matter what. Even if it means I'm just your friend. I'll keep it.