By The Pond - A Lams Story

Chapter 16

-John's Perspective-

   "I mean, I didn't want to kiss him last night? I think I didn't? I don't know! I don't even know where this came from! I mean, sure he's cute, he's actually really pretty-" John stops. "Oh fuck. Do I? I- Shit. I probably do. Fuck." John faceplants on the couch and yells into the cushions until he needs to breathe. And then he takes a deep breath and screams some more. And then he just goes quiet.
   "I have a crush on Alexander Hamilton. Lovely. Someone kill me, shoot me, or stab me with a chopstick. I don't particularly care which. I fucking friend zoned him! I fucking friend zoned the guy I have a crush on and effectively ruined all chances I have with him! HHHHHHHH!"
    John takes a deep breath and lets out a huff. "He is my best friend. Why do my feelings suddenly have to decide that he is attractive and wait-" John suddenly remembers what he had said on Thursday night. *"Definitely someone who's dependable, hardworking, willing to laugh with me when I'm happy and just listen to me when I'm sad, someone who can make me blush- cheesy pick-up lines are a must, and someone who is willing to raise a turtle with me."*
   "Dependable, check. Hard-working, check since the moment I met him. Willing to laugh with me when I'm happy, check. Listens when I'm sad, check. Makes me blush, well, that's yet to be determined. Same with raising a turtle. Fuck. He fits my image of the perfect man! Fuck!" John screams into the couch again.
   "But what if he is actually okay with being in the friend zone? What if he never wants to leave? What if he secretly hates me? What- Wait. No. He definitely doesn't hate me. Not after this morning. Ummm.... Okay. Rule that one out. He at least likes being my friend. Okay. But does he like me? I don't know. I don't pay close enough attention to people for this!" More screaming into the couch. His poor neighbors.
   "I mean, he did blush when I almost kissed him earlier. But that could have been him being uncomfortable because I was so close to him! And then, maybe the other day at the park, he almost called me beautiful? But it could have been another b-word. Like bold. Or brave. Or beautiful?" He zones out for a second before shaking his head. "Mm. He said kind-hearted, though, so I'm not sure. That would be nice, though..." He zones off again and sighs with a dreamy smile at the thought. He shakes his head again. "Fuck. I need to call Eliza. She'll know what to do. I hope."

~~ Time Skip (brought to you by scary red ladies) ~~

   Eliza is now sitting on the couch next to a panicking John. "So why did you wake me up?"
   "I have a crush on Lex and I don't know if he likes me back and this is a problem because I friend zoned him on Thursday when Laf dared me to ask him out and yeah." He says this all in one breath like it's one word.
   "John." Eliza sighs. "Slow down. What?"
   "On Thursday, when Laf dared me to ask Lex out, I actually friend zoned him and ended up telling him I wasn't in the market for a boyfriend, and now I have feelings for him, and I'm not sure where they came from? Sometime in-between the flower crowns and last night's storm, I guess?" John shrugs.
   "Flower crowns and last night's storm? What the heck has happened since Thursday night?"
   "A lot. But mainly just lots of best guy friends bonding time. Actually, more like deep relationship type bonding, now that I think about it.... Does he like me????"
    Eliza sighs again. "I don't know, John. Why don't you ask him? I'm sure he wouldn't mind telling you. If he is your best friend, he probably won't mind talking to you about his feelings."
   "You forget that I can't talk to people I like. Remember Francis?" John asks.
   "Oh god. That was a disaster. Okay, yeah, scrap that. Maybe ask Lafayette to help you?"
   "But he hates Alex at the moment, even if he's giving him his actual order again."
   "If he's giving him his actual order again, he may not hate him? And if nothing else, I can get Maria to convince him to help you. She's very good at that." She smiles innocently.
   "Eliza, I swear..." John bites his lip. "You're as bad as Maria."
   "I have no idea what you're talking about." She tilts her head and continues smiling at him. "Now, how are we going to get you and Alexander together, hmm?" She leans towards him as if ready to plot out a prank like one of the Weasley Twins.
   "I have no clue." He grabs his bullet journal and opens it to the latest page. "Beyond me asking him out for real and making a total fool out of myself, I can't come up with any ideas."
   "Then why don't we get the rest of the friend group's help? Except Peggy, of course. We work better as a team. Most of the time, anyways. Except when we had to convince Herc to actually ask Laf out." Eliza suggests.
   "I mean, we could.... But that would mean explaining everything to everyone and that's a bunch of work.... And that means sharing too many emotions...." John shakes his head.
   "Fine. What if we go tell Laf, and leave the planning up to him? He's good at masterminding plans."
   "And give him the possibility to completely embarrass me? I don't think so." John bites his lip.
   "John, he won't embarrass you. He would break up with Herc before he would ever intentionally hurt you, you know that." That's a serious statement. Damn.
   "Fine. I guess. Maybe. Okay, fine." John gives in. "But only if you'll come with me?"
   "Of course." Eliza smiles at him.