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i pushed away from tate and grabbed the handle of my oxygen tank with fear. nobody should be home now and especially nobody should be slamming doors open or shut. i climb off from my bed but tate stops me from making my way to the door. "stay here." he orders and twists open the door handle. someone was downstairs and searching through the house for something. tate closed the door behind him as he walked out into the hallway.
"tate?" i whisper through the door in hopes he would respond. "damn..." i heard his steps as he went down the wooden stairs.
"i knew you were here." a woman growled at tate. "making out with your little toy, huh? you stay away from her tate." i ripped open my door and looked down the stairs to see constance. she was stumbling slightly and had a lit cigarette in between her boney fingers. "she doesn't need you to be involving her in your sinful actions. what would her father think?"
"go home." tate remained calm as his mother scolded him. "stop controlling me and treating me like some monster." i couldn't move from the shock. i had no clue on what to do. "i'm not messing with her in any way. you can go home." constance stepped closer to her son and poked his chest with her finger.
"you break that girls heart and you won't see the light of tomorrow, boy. she's more than you see tate. don't be a damn idiot." she walked out the front door and closed the door behind her. tate looked up the staircase and saw me standing there with wide eyes.
"it uh... it was just my mom." he scratched the back of his neck and climbed the stairs up to me. i didn't quite understand the meaning of his mother's appearance especially with her hostile actions. "can we go for a walk?" i nodded and he helped me down the stairs as if i needed it. i didn't say a single word as we walked down this lonely street.
"did i mess up your life?" tate asked and side glanced me. "be honest with me." i looked toward him and shrugged.
"no," i answered flatly. if tate had messed up my life for the worse i wouldn't be on this walk with him. "have i messed up yours?"
"what? no? you've made mine better." he stopped walking and turned toward me. "i know i'm confusing and unstabld and sometimes i make you feel unwanted... but i would never want to make you feel like that. i never mean it."
"i know you don't." a car passed us and i locked eyes with the passenger. "everyone has bad moments, tate." the shaggy blond haired boy smiled and held my hand.
tate and i roamed the streets until we finally went back to our homes. he agreed with me to go home but if things got out of hand again or if he needed me he would come back. we didn't talk for the rest of that sunday. through that week i didn't do much with my time. tate and i bought our tickets for homecoming since it was next saturday. october 20th to be exact. word around the school is that it's going to be an absolute shit show. it wouldn't surprise me at this point.
it was a friday after school and tate just walked me home. my father sat at the table and was deeply into a book. mother was probably at her office teaching some troubled kid... i stood in the enterance way of my home and just stared at the wall in hopes of something interesting happening. father hasn't spoken to me since the night i verbally assaulted his faith.
"dad?" i turn toward him and watch as his eyes shift toward me. "please forgive me," i pleaded and sat across from him at the table. he gave me a questioning look and set down his book along with the glasses he wore. "i know i spoke disrespectful to you and i want to apologize. i'm just stressed out right now and having you not be around is tiring."
"adeline... you grew up with me not around. why now are you struggling?" he questioned and leaned forward to show his interest in the conversation. to be honest i didn't know why his absence was creating such a problem in my life but if undoubtedly was.
"why did you make a family if-if you knew you wouldn't be here?" my eyes pooled with water but i didn't let my tears slip.
"i loved your mother. she wanted a child but i couldn't grace her with one of her own. she knew what she was doing when we adopted you... you cannot blame me for our family being utterly dysfunctional." not once did he say he loved me... why did i crave for him to say it? my own father denying his love for me was something that would cause anyone to be confused when they've lived their whole life being told it was true. was my adoption that horrible for him?
"you never wanted a kid." a tear silently fled from my eye and slipped down my freckled face. "if you knew you couldn't do it-"
"adeline..." he sighed and reached across the table to hold my hand. "you were 5 when we adopted you. you were brought into the system when your birth mother couldn't handle the constant reminder of your birth father and what she had to expirience. your mother simply wouldn't allow you to be kept in the system. she did all she could to get you into our family. she forced me to sign papers i knew could ruin my reputation and end my journey of being a priest."
truth be told my father never wanted children if they were his or not. after marrying my mother he wish to be divorced just after a week hence why he said loved when he spoke of her. however he couldn't leave her due to the vows he took. the idea that our family is all a farce was burning me on the inside. when we first moved in it felt like we were a family again but it couldn't last long. it never does.
"did i ruin your reputation?" my hands shook under the table as i tried to keep myself together.
"in the beginning, yes. but when they heard your story i gained some sort of fame among the churches. i didn't understand it at first but... well your story never left anyone's mouth for my time remaining at that old church."
i stood from the table and wiped away my tears as my hands trembled. "one more question..." he nodded and gestured for me to continue. "you don't- you don't- do you..." i paused because something inside of me broke. i couldn't ask him the simple question of whether he loves or of not.
"my child," he sighed and stood. he pulled me into his arms and allowed me to cry. "besides the church and god, you are my reason to live each day."
"how could you... say all of that and think i would believe what you just said. you wake up each morning and dread your life. you don't love mother or me. we both know the truth." i pulled away from my father and sniffed. "this isn't how you pictured your life."
"i speak only the truth, adeline. believe what you want but i will never lie to you. i lost feelings for your mother soon after we married... when we adopted you everything inside of me wanted to leave but i couldn't. i tried to stay away because i knew i couldn't attach myself to a child when i vowed to live for the church and the lord. but my dear daughter... i do love you." he kissed my forehead and smiled softly. "goodnight, adeline." he grabbed his belongings and walked up the stairs to his room.
