The Boundaries of Love

●14●

Sometimes, the worst place you can be is in your own head. I read this somewhere a long time ago. My life has always been a very simple one. I never had to ponder upon things. But now that I sit here, in his room, the sudden insecurities that seeped into me, are unbearable.

I may not be someone who always wanted attention, but that doesn’t mean, one could just stomp all over me and I won’t even utter a word. I didn’t expect him to rush out from the room without an explanation. I have not signed for this. I like him, but not at the cost of my self-respect.

I look around the room, it’s massive. Ironically, when I walked in earlier, it didn’t feel so. Quite possibly because he was accompanying me then. The magnitude of his presence was all that I felt. But now, it’s all just a stupid bed, and a table with a chair and some lifeless books.

The thought angers me. Books have never been lifeless to me. For God's sake, they breathe dreams in the lives of people like us! I frown, as I look at the time on my phone. Exactly two minutes ago Shravan left the room, and I am still sitting here like an idiot.

Sweeping my eyes over the room for the last time, I jump on my feet and barrel towards the door, which he had closed on his way out. So much for the door should stay wide open! I grab the knob, ready to rip the door off its hinges. “Ooff!” A shriek leaves my mouth as I feel a sudden push even before I could open the door, “What the hell!”

And there he is. Shravan's eyes are round as he sees me on the ground, fuming. “What, you trying to kill me?” I say dramatically feigning nonchalance; like I didn’t just fall on the ground.

Shravan rushes towards me, “I came back!” he breathes, “I am sorry Suman, I left suddenly without even telling you . . . The call came and I was . . .” he holds my elbow to help me get up on my feet.

“Right. And the apology isn’t accepted.” I brush my hands over my kurti, “We were talking, and you just can’t walk out when we were having such a good time together, not before explaining . . .” Sh*t. An angry tear rolls down my cheek. I am mortified. This is not me, I don’t cry over such petty things. So what if he had to go, so what if he didn’t spare me a glance before leaving, so what if he . . . Because you want to come first in his life, because you want to achieve that place in his life where you can demand anything from him.

“I am sorry, Suman! I promise this is never going to happen again in future.” He holds my face and takes a step forward, his fresh sea salt cologne surrounds me like a mist, “Please...” His voice soft as he bends down to look in my eyes, “I am not used to it. Please!”

I nod, “But what happened that you had to leave everything and run? I am not used to it too, Shravan; but if you want me to understand things then you have to tell me the reason.” I mumble. He looks tormented, “Is it confidential?”

He sighs, “There’s a security breach, and I have to go to the office now. The guards have managed to catch the man; they informed Mrs Srinivas.” He pauses, “I really have to go, Suman.”

“I know.” I hold his hand, “Don’t waste time!”

“So all good between us?”

I chuckle, “absolutely!” He nods and turns to leave; “And Shravan”, he looked towards me over his shoulder, “Stay calm!” And an effortless smile brightens his face while he mumbles, I will.

Slowly, I walk down the stairs. I could catch the loud screeching of Shravan’s car as he drove away furiously. I have never seen Shravan so angry. Even today when he heard about the security breach, his face was blank. I wonder what he would do to that man. Shravan, who had once called me in the middle of the night just because he had to wipe out a division; would he give this man a punishment?