The Boundaries of Love

●18●

I look at Shravan as if he has grown two heads. Does he understand what he is saying! For god's sake, we have known each other for merely a month or so, I'm sure many people don't even know about us. "Are you sure?" I whisper. Looking at my reaction with circumspection as if I am going to run away from here, Shravan nodded. "Did you share this information with the police?" I ask feebly, shaking my head.

"I did. And there is something I want to tell you regarding this," he takes my hand into his large ones, sandwiching them; "If you ever feel you are being watched, then do not ever turn around !" I gape at him with an open mouth, "What I mean is, I have hired a bodyguard for you, who would follow you 24*7. And when you are at home, he will be nearby. I am not giving you his phone number. Because your phone might be tapped. So do not talk about the bodyguard while conversing with anyone. Once I am out of the hospital, I'll arrange a phone for you."

Saying everything in one breath, Shravan finally stops. He looks at me cautiously, trying to gauge my expression. My life has become unnecessarily complicated since I have known this guy, I pondered looking at the man sitting in front of me. I may have confessed that I love him, but do I love him enough to take this kind of risk? For a second, I felt like I have taken the decision too hastily, without thinking about the outcomes of marrying a man out of my league. I know I am being selfish, but I have a family, I need to think about them too. Just because I have fallen in love with Shravan, that doesn't mean I am going to throw away my family under the bus.

"That's a lot to take in." I sigh looking down at our conjoined hands, "I don't know how I am supposed to react." He stays quiet. He knows I need time to process through all the information that has been thrown at me abruptly. "What about my family Shravan?"

"They will be provided with one bodyguard each. It's just that they won't know." Shravan's calm voice makes me look at him. As expected, his eyes are glued on my face, as if probing every single expression playing on my face. "You are scared." He says softly.

"More irritated than scared!" I confess, I can feel his hands tightening around me, "It's just, this life with you seems more complicated than I had imagined, and it doesn't feel normal; a bodyguard following me around as if I am some kind of a celebrity, which in actual I am not."

"You are having second thoughts." He asks matter of factly. I wonder if he truly fears that I would leave him. He waits for my reply, his eyes not leaving my face. When I don't reply, he nods to himself and releases my hands, which fall unceremoniously on my lap. "I understand if you do and I am not going to force you to stay with me." He clenches his teeth while his face goes blank instantly.

I won't lie to myself saying I wasn't thinking that I took the decision to marry him slightly early but listening to the same thing from him simply broke my heart. Very carefully I have been saving my heart peacefully inside a well-built armour, but Shravan rattled every single joint of that armour to say that he understands if I want to leave him! Maybe upon looking at my pained expression, his eyes soften, "I am not blaming you, Suman! I would want to believe that you would always choose me over everything. But being a practical man, I won't blame you if you choose yours and your family's safety first."

His soft voice felt like he was talking to a child, "You don't need to pacify me. I am not a child!" I snap, "And yes, for a second I thought about my family's well being but that doesn't mean I am going to leave you." I am angry yet confused at my sudden outburst. Logically speaking, I should not be worried about a man whom I’ve met just a month ago, I could always move on with my life thinking it to be just a month's fling. But at this very thought, my heart protested mercilessly, and that's when I knew I can never leave this man; not even when I know my family and I will be in danger because I love him enough to take the risk.