The Boundaries of Love

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Shravan is standing in front of the small window that is now wide open. The heater is off, and I instantly hug myself. Shravan dislikes cold but now that I see him from behind, I can tell, he needed cold air as though he needed to be numb. Seeing the name of his mother must have made him realise, he can never outrun them. I curse mentally, the perfect moment is gone. I don't expect him to continue what he was just telling me minutes ago.

Nonetheless, I walk slowly towards him, wincing that I have neglected to wear my socks. The way his shoulders are hunched forward he seems proud and defeated both. Proud because a man like Shravan can never bow down to any situation, and defeated because, even fighting with all his might, he simply can't let go of the fact that the basic foundation of his life is nothing but a lie.

"You were saying . . ." I circle my arms around his waist, planting a soft kiss just below his shoulder blade. Shravan stiffens in my arm instantly. At any other moment, I would have dropped my arms but right now, I can't give him a cue that this feels like a rejection to me. He is going through a crisis, and I can't fall back now.

His voice reverberates around the room, "This is a mistake, you shouldn't be here." He tries to escape from my arms that have tightened immediately.

"Why?"

"Don't you see why?" He sighs, "I am not someone whom you should waste your life with, Suman, I have nothing to give you. Yes, for a moment or two, I got carried away, your presence is creating havoc in my senses, I wasn't thinking straight. As much as I want you in my life, I can't forget, I still have to stand on my feet, I am starting all over again."

I tiptoe and place another kiss on his neck, "You are underestimating my feelings for you, Shravan, I don't care what you have, I care about what you are." I slowly turn him while still locking him in my arms, "I care about the man, I fell in love with; I care about the man who is intelligent and has a beautiful mind; I care about the man, who relentlessly pursues what he thinks is his." I stop searching his eyes, "For me, you are always Shravan, just Shravan."

Deliberately his arms come around me, pressing me more into him, "What have I done to deserve you?" He whispers, "You deserve better than this, Sumo."

"Maybe or maybe not. But I want you, and I am willing to work hard to make this relationship worthwhile."

"You mean,"

"Let's get married."

Shravan goes silent, "But..."

"But nothing, we will work hard, together. This," I gesture with my hand, "is much more difficult for you, Shravan, not for me. I am used to it. Yes, maybe I have never faced a financial crisis, but it's not like there was an abundance of it. For me, it's just the normal way to live. Relationship . . . Working towards something more important than money." I lean forward so that I can hear his heartbeat, "I am okay with it everything, as long as you will let me be with you because I have faith in you. I know, if you decide something, you will do your best to get it."

"You sure, it isn't your pity?" His voice rumbles through his chest.

I gaze up to see his face and wink, "If this is the view," I gesture to myself with my eyes, "you're going to get every morning, would you really care about what it is!"

Shravan throws his head behind while his loud laughter echoes in the room, "Goodness!" His arms tighten around me, "No, not really." I sigh, at least I have managed to make him laugh.

After a small breakfast, Shravan decides to work on his project. I enter the bedroom as he has already occupied the couch. Grabbing my phone from the side table, I see there are 13 missed calls from Nirmala Aunty. She knows that I am with Shravan. Without thinking much, I dial her number, she picks it up instantly.