The Boundaries of Love

●30●

“Omg!” Preety exclaims, “You totally did the ding-dong.” And my phone almost drops from my hand. The next day, the very first thing I decided to do is call Preety. If I need to break this news to my father, I need to acquire as much support as I can get; which I am regretting by the way. 

“What are you saying?! And ding-dong! What are you, 13?” Thankfully, I decided to call her when Shravan is still asleep. 

She screeches in her full volume, “What am I saying! You did it, didn’t you? And for your information, I know how things work. Don’t forget ours was a love marriage, and we . . .”

“No, I don’t want to know your details, and we didn’t.”

Maybe upon hearing seriousness in my voice, she asks, “Okay, the only ding? We can wait for the dong later.”

“Preety, please help me. I don’t know what Papa is going to do.”

Preety releases a deliberate sigh, so I know her serious mode is on. “What do you want me to say, Sumo? You have already made up your mind. All I can say is, it’s your life, at the end of the day, you are the one who’s going to face all the consequences, good or bad both. We are here to support you, but it should be your decision.”

“But, you know Papa.” I mumble.

“Yes, I know, he’s going to get ballistic,” she chuckles, “but again, what you want is important.” She pauses, “Where is Shravan?”

I look at his sleeping form, “He is sleeping. I didn’t want him to hear us talking.”

“Okay.” I can hear a smile in her voice, then she asks softly, “Now, look at him, look at his sleeping face, are ready to bear everything, this man brings in your life? Because sometimes the situation is going to get real ugly, sometimes you will feel, this is not the man you fell in love with, sometimes you will be on the verge of leaving him. But will you be able to overlook everything just because you love him enough to see his love even when he won’t say that he loves you? Sumo, what you have just told me, I can say, tougher times are yet to come.”

And that question leaves goosebumps all over my body. Knowing Shravan, I can tell what Preety just said is true. He has become more complicated than ever. The emotional baggage made him more closed off. I have seen him flying off the handle before, but I have never seen him submerged into his own pity. His power, his confidence has crumbled down. He is not the same Shravan Malhotra I fell in love with. Right now, he is just Shravan, and for him, it’s hard to accept it. Will I be able to take his responsibility? Will I be able to swim with him in this tide?

Is he right? Am I acting upon my whim? 

I walk towards him slowly and sit beside him. This bed looks tiny for his massive frame. His hair is unruly, I know he didn’t get a goodnight sleep. He kept tossing and turning last night. I have seen the fear, the dilemma in his eyes. He is scared to take this responsibility, yet he wants me in his life. Maybe I am forcing him to marry me, but do I have any other way? How am I supposed to tell him, I am more scared than him . . . to lose him?! How am I supposed to tell him, I am obsessed with him, with his love for me?! I got so used to his affection, his love, now I can’t even imagine my life without him. I love him enough to leave everything behind, I love him enough to not think about my colleagues of NewAge, my love for him has made me selfish enough to not prioritize my self-respect before him. 

Because I love all of him. 

“Yes.” I whisper, stroking a few strands of hair from his forehead.

“Then, wish you a happy married life, Sumo. Papa will understand.”