Cast The Die

Chapter Three

April 2019

With every step my anxious tummy feeling got deeper and deeper. The staircase seemed to be never-ending. I took one step and three more appeared at the bottom. My legs started to shake beneath me, and I had to steady myself by holding onto the wall and the banister. I finally reached the bottom and the silence coming from the kitchen was deafening. No music, no laughter, nothing. I walked into the kitchen expecting some sort of prank, my Dad was always hiding behind things and jumping out to scare me. I saw my Dad stood next to the window; my Mum was at the other side of the kitchen. We did have a perfectly good living room, and a dining room for that matter. But, for some reason we spent most of our family time in the kitchen, it was my happy place. Mum looked like she had been crying, her blue eyes were blood-shot, her make-up was smudged. Dad looked the same as usual, only more serious.

I've only witnessed my Dad crying once, at my Uncle's funeral. When his brother died, he went through a difficult time, he drank a lot and he had to take time off work. I was 10 years old, old enough to notice changes. Mum was there for Dad during this rough patch, they got through it together, just like they got through everything else. I admired them as a married couple, they were the reason I believed in true love. They don't fight often, but when they do it's about what colour they want to paint the bathroom, or where they want to go for date night. In those situations, they asked me, and I would choose for them, they'd always go with my suggestion.

Mum cries a lot, at movies, books, seeing old people eat alone, she's an emotional woman. She's not a dramatic crier, she doesn't draw attention to herself when she cries. She wipes her tears away and moves on. She has all these feelings but doesn't share them with anyone. When Uncle John died, my Dad cried on her shoulder and she wiped his tears away. She comforted him like she did me when I fell off my bike. She was an amazing Mum, an amazing human being. They both were.

"Macey, we need to talk to you. Can you sit down?" Mum said, pointing at the stool.

"What's going on? Why are you both being so serious?" I asked. Then suddenly it hit me, someone died. Oh god, Grandma's dead. I only have two grandparents. My Mum's Mum and my Dad's Dad. The other's died before I was two years old, so I don't remember them. I could feel something going on in my stomach, like when I drank the Whiskey. Am I about to throw up?

"Macey, you need to know how much we love you. You're the best thing that has ever happened to us." Mum said, she sat down on the opposite side of the island. Dad stayed next to the window.

"Are you pregnant?" I tried to make a joke. They didn't laugh.

"No, Moo, nobody is pregnant" she said.

"Well can you please tell me what's going on, I'm meant to be going to that party with Jen tonight." I tried to act okay, like my insides weren't doing somersaults.

"Things have been different these past couple of months. We...We've decided that it would be best for...We think that you need to know..." she's started to cry.

"Mum, seriously what is it?" my voice is shaking. She took a deep breath.

"Macey, your father and I...We have decided to separate." Oh god. "We want you to know that we love you and none of this is your fault." My fault? How would it be my fault?  "Nothing bad has happened." Are you kidding right now? "Sometimes people just grow apart and decide to live different lives." Is this really happening? "Macey? Please talk to us Macey we want to be here for you."

I can hear ringing in my ears, I'm looking at my Mum but all I can see is weird shapes. The feeling in my stomach is getting worse. I think back to what the Whiskey tasted like. My throat feels like it's on fire and I can't stop myself.

"I think I'm gonna throw up" I said standing up.I thought I was rushing over to the sink, but my legs aren't moving, they startshaking again and I grab onto the island for balance. My hand misses the islandand my vision goes black. Have I just died?