Cast The Die

Chapter Forty

I'm sat in a toilet cubicle, reading a poster about how to wash your hands correctly, a step by step guide. I take it all in, so I know what to do when I get to the sink. I'm taking everything in. Vinnie and two of his men came to my house to kill me because they thought it would hurt Cole. Cole shot one of the giants and my Mum shot the other. Vinnie tried to shoot me but shot my Mum instead and Cole shot Vinnie. It was like being at Primary School, playing a game of "tag" but instead you use bullets, and my Mum is dead.

I walk out of the toilets and back down the corridor to the waiting area. I don't know why they took my Mum's body to the hospital, she was already dead, there was a bullet in her heart, there was nothing they could have done. Cole sat on the seat closest to the wall and I sat down, leaving a seat between us. I put the bag of ruined clothes on floor in front of me; I had been to the toilet to change out of my blue jeans and grey sweatshirt that were soaked red by my Mum's blood, Cole went back to the crime scene to get the bag I packed and now I'm just wearing black leggings and a blue checked shirt. I haven't spoken a word since we got here, I have nothing to say.

Ten minutes later, my Dad walked into the waiting area. I looked at him as if he were a stranger and then looked back to the floor. Within seconds he was on the seat next to me, trying to put his arms around my shoulders, I didn't move. He cried onto my shoulder and told me how sorry he was that he wasn't there. I didn't say anything. He said he wished it was him, that it should have been him. I still didn't say anything. I can't say anything because I don't feel anything, I feel numb. Cole stood up and said something to my Dad, I didn't hear it and I didn't care. They walked out of the waiting area and out of sight. I sat back in the chair, staring at the green wall in front of me.

"Macey? Macey?" Cole was talking to me, but his voice was distant. "Do you want me to take you home?" he asked.

"I don't have a home" I replied. That house I lived in was no longer a home. My Dad was a fucking drug dealer. My Mum was fucking dead. I don't have a home.

"I'll get us a hotel room. I mean you. I'll get you a hotel room" he said.

"No. Us" I said, bluntly. Still staring at the wall. He reached his hand out, I took it and followed him out of the hospital.

When we got to the hotel room, he'd booked a room with a double bed and another single bed.

"I'll take the single bed" he said.

"Okay" I replied.

"Jon kept this for you, Vinnie told him to get rid of it, but I asked him not to. I picked it up when I went to his place today" he handed me my phone; that was sweet, but I really wish he hadn't kept it for me. That is the last thing I want right now; I haven't seen it since the day I was kidnapped. A message lit up the screen.

Dad:

Please call me if you need anything...I promise I'm here for you

You're my daughter...I love you so much

I hope you will come home...we can get through this together

Love, Dad xx

Tears fill my eyes and I can no longer see the message, just blurry lines across the screen. I turn the phone off and put it on the nightstand. I lie back on the bed, climb under the covers and count how many circles there are on the ceiling. I wish I hadn't been so rude to my Dad at the hospital, I wanted to hug him and for him to tell me everything was okay. I don't think he should have been the one to die, neither of them deserved to die. I'm just angry that my Mum has been taken away from me. I love my Dad, so much, nothing will ever change that. But would I be able to go back in that house and live like nothing had happened? Like everything was okay? Everything has changed now, and I don't think it'll ever be the same.

Cole kicks off his shoes and lies down on the other bed near the window.

"Do you want the light on?" he asked softly.

"Yes, please. Would you like to sleep in this bed?" I asked.

"No, you have that one. I'll be fine in this one" he said.

"I mean...Do you want to share this one?" I whispered. I don't want to be alone.

He didn't say anything, it was silent. I almost accepted the silence as a no, but I heard him moving, he climbed onto the bed, under the covers and lay down. It's 2am. I turn onto my side to face him and he copies me. His eyes meet mine, never leaving them. I shuffled closer to the middle of the bed, filling some of the space between us, and he does the same.

"Have you ever thought about running away?" I asked him, out of curiosity.

"Yeah" he answered.

"Where would you go?" I asked, still looking into his dark eyes.

"Anywhere you want" he said. I started to feel butterflies in my stomach. The numbness is disappearing.

"Where I want?" I questioned.

"Yes. Where you want. If you want to run away. We can go wherever you want" he said, seriously. My heart is pounding in my chest, so loud he can probably hear it. The feeling of my heart reminds me that I'm alive. He makes me feel alive. "You don't have to decide now" he smiled. He put his hand on my cheek and stroked my tear stained skin. "Sleep on it" he said.

The idea of running away with Cole overwhelms me. I feel excitement knowing it would just be the two of us, no more trouble, no one else, just us. But could I really leave my life behind? Leave my Dad, Jen and my friends. All the hard work I put in at school to get into University will be a waste. I'd ruin my future if I don't go to Uni. I won't ever get a job. If I runaway, where would we get the money? An ex-drug dealer and a high school drop-out don't scream "employable" do they? How could we live with no money? We'd never survive. My whole life is here, minus my Mum.

I can't help it, when I'm near him, I feel things that I've never felt before, things I never thought I would feel. When he touches me, the emotion consumes me and ignites a fire in my body I didn't know I had. Knowing he is here with me, right now, I know I'm safe, I know nothing bad is going to happen to me. I'm comfortable around him, my body aches when I'm not around him. Like our bodies are made for each other and the further apart we get the more painful it is. I don't know how I could be without him. I've never been in love, so I don't know what it feels like, but if it's anything like this, I'm screwed.

I watch Cole sleeping as I debate with my inner thoughts. His hand intertwined with mine. I close my eyes, trying to fall asleep. I have an important decision to make.