Cast The Die

Chapter Thirty

It's 1.15am. I've been awake since Cole left me, staring at the diamonds on the chandelier as they glisten in the light. I took some painkillers before we came upstairs so I'll be due another dose around now, whether I can go down alone to get them is a different matter. I'm in a lot of pain and it's not like I'll be falling asleep any time soon, I don't know if it's because the room is so bright but I'm wide awake and I can't stop thinking about everyone at home. I want to know what my parents are doing, if they're okay and if they're worried about me. I know Jen will be worried, her parents as well. I also know everyone will be continuing with their lives, my friends will be at school, going to their normal lessons, walking their dogs, going to see other friends, getting on with their normal lives. I seemed to forget that the world hasn't stopped just because I'm not there.

I climbed out of bed and walked out into the hallway; the light was still on, so I crept silently down the wooden steps. I appreciated the effort Cole went to when he bought my clothes, but I can't help but wish he bought me a t-shirt, the heaters are still blasting out hot air and I am sweltering in this sweatshirt. When I reach the bottom of the staircase, I'm in complete darkness, reaching for the light switch on the wall but I can't feel it. I can see him out the corner of my eye, he's back. I shut my eyes tightly and took a deep breath. I turned around and opened my eyes, he's still sat there, still as a rock, leaning back on the cushions. It's just my imagination. It's not real. He's not real. If I can find the light switch, he'll disappear. I took a step forward and the floor creaked, the man shot up and I stumbled back, falling onto the floor, the figure ran towards me and I started to scream, pushing myself up against the wall, trying to get away from him. He grabs me and I scream again, I'm screaming for help, but my breathing is heavy, and I can't seem to catch my breath.

"No, please!" I scream.

"Macey! Macey! It's me!" Cole's voice fills my ears.

"Cole?" I'm panting, trying to steady my breathing. He flicked the light switch and crouched down by my side. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I..."

"Stop apologising" he said. Before I knew it, I was bawling my eyes out, my throat burned, and my loud cries filled the silent cabin. He rushed closer to me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me onto his lap. I curled up into a ball and buried my head into his chest, crying out. I've never cried like this in my life. My chest hurts, my heart aches, I can't breathe. "It's okay. You're okay" he said, stroking my sweat soaked hair. My tears fall onto his t-shirt, my body shakes with every sob, I hate this feeling, I don't know what's happening to me, I can't calm down.

"I...can't...breathe..." I cry, starting to panic, I feel like I'm suffocating, I feel like I'm going to die.

"You're okay, Macey. Just breathe, deep breaths, you can do it" he whispered.

A few moments pass, my breathing is becoming steady and I've finally ran out of tears. Cole is still holding me; his t-shirt is curled up into my fist and his head is resting on top of mine. I feel safe.

"What's wrong with me?" I sniffled.

"Nothing is wrong with you. What you've been through...this last week has been traumatic for you, you're still in shock after everything that's happened. It'll get easier" he said, not letting go of me.

"How do you know? That it'll get easier" I ask.

"I just do. What happened? What freaked you out?" he asked, sounding worried. I want to tell him, about the hallucinating, being afraid of the dark, not wanting to be alone. Will he understand? Will he think I'm insane? Will he take me to the nearest hospital to be sectioned?

"The darkness. I don't like it" I say, my head still buried in his chest. He doesn't say anything. "I don't want to be alone" I said, feeling my cheeks blush. "I can see him. When it's dark. I can feel him. I can see his eyes, what he looked like when he..." I trailed off. I can't think about it, I'm terrified.

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me. I get it" he said softly. We sat like this for a while, in complete silence. I feel safe and secure, I close my eyes and I feel like I'm home.