Me and You

After

My relationship with my boyfriend started working up again. That's what I thought. 

There was me trying to forget you and him not having a clue about your existence. I wasn't proud of that but also I wasn't proud of my way of handling you. 

[...]

Weeks went by. In every single week I'd had a fight or two with my boyfriend. I kept saying: "This is normal, right? That's what couples do.". But every disagreement was worse than the last of it. Every time was getting worse instead of better.

But no. That wasn't normal. That wasn't supposed to happen in a relationship and especially at such a young age. I was 17 and he was 20. We both were acting like we were a married couple with 3 children on our backs. And we've only been together for 16 months. That didn't seem right to me.

I was fighting for him, not against. At the end, I realised I was doing that to be taken for granted, to be disappointed and to be hurt again.

 At home, they knew my situation. They were trying to make me see things clearly but I was blind. I didn't wanted to see that he was hurting me so much.

You see, he was loving me a little more every time I forgave him but I stopped having interested in him every time I did that. So when the day he loved me the most would have arrived, I would have felt nothing for him anymore. 

His love never helped me to heal what he broke. Rather, it pierced my scars deeply.

But you never left my mind, not even for a second.

And the thoughts I was making for you,  kept me alive.