It’s my Mom. She’s with my Aunt Lydia. Kahit may pagkamahina ang lights dito, I know it is her. They do not seem to notice my presence though. My feet froze. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin. After all the things that happened, I can’t deny na nami-miss ko pa din siya. She’s my mom, after all.
Hindi ko alam ang gagawin. Lalapitan ko ba siya? Lalabas ba kami dito ni Andrew at sa iba na lang kumain? Eventhough I miss her, no one can deny how they treated me.
Pinabayaan nila ako umalis sa bahay. Nobody dared to stop me. Nobody cared. They did not even try to look for me. They basically dumped me out of the house.
I was taken aback from my thoughts when someone shook my shoulders. It was Andrew.
“Okay ka lang? May problema ba?” Should I tell him? No one knows my story aside from my family. Wala pa akong napagsasabihan ng sikreto ko. I don’t know if someone is willing to listen.
“Ah, I’m sorry, but can we eat somewhere else na lang?” Ang nahihiya kong tanong.
“Yeah, sure. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.” He answered, pertaining to the restaurant management. We started walking the carpeted floors of the restaurant. Hindi ako mapalagay. My heart is beating like it’s going to come out of my chest.
I glanced back at my mom’s table. Sa gulat ko, nakatingin din siya sa akin. Hindi ko mawari ang expression niya. She stood up and started walking towards us. I pulled Andrew’s arm para mapabilis ang pag-alis naming sa lugar na iyon.
This is not the time to talk to my mom. Alam ko ang sasabihin niya. Alam kong she still has the same opinions towards me, towards my sexuality. And how disgusted she is with it.
Nakalabas na kami ng resto at papunta na sasakyan ni Andrew when a woman called my name.
“Johnson!” It was my mom. Sabay kaming tumigil ni Andrew. Nasa parking lot na kami ng restaurant, the place was only lit by a single post.
Tinignan niya ako ng bahagya saka lumingon sa likuran namin. Nanatili akong nakatalikod, I don’t want to look. Hindi pa ako handa. Hindi ko pa siya kayang kausapin.
“Johnson, someone called you.” Andrew addressed me. I slowly turn around. She’s six feet away from me. I don’t know what to say.
“Hello Ma. Kumusta?” Alinlangan kong bati sa nanay ko. Seeing her this close, kitang-kita ko na ang reaction niya. She does not seem to be happy.“She’s your mom? Ba’t di mo sinabi?” Andrew muttered sabay lapit sa nanay ko to shake her hands. But my mom refused his kind gesture. She still has that disgusted reaction. Tinignan niya ako, ignoring Andrew’s presence.
“At dito ka pa talaga nagkalat ng kabklaan mo, ano?” My heart stopped. She didn’t even ask kung kumusta na ako. Ganun na ba talaga kalaki ang galit nila ng dahil lang sa sekswalidad ko? They’re willing to lose their son?
“Alam mong dito palagi kami kumakain ng Dad at Kuya mo. Ano na lang ang sasabihin ng mga crew and management kapag nakita ka nila na may kasamang lalaki? Na my son is dishonoring the place with his disgusting sexuality?” Tumulo ang luha ko. Mas inalala pa nila ang sasabihin ng ibang tao kaysa sa sarili nilang anak? Tumungo ako at pinunasan ang namamasa kung pisngi.
Andrew is still in shock sa mga nasasaksihan niya. It almost seemed unreal for him. A scene out of a telenovela. I took a deep breath and looked her in her eyes.
“I never would have thought in a million years that I would be in such place right now. My mom loathing for my sexuality, na mas iniisip ang sasabihin ng ibang tao instead of asking their son kung kumusta na siya?” I paused. Nag-uunahan sa pagbagsak ang aking mga luha. Hindi ko na mapigilan ang damdamin ko. Ilang beses ko sinubukang magpakatatag, but I can’t hold it anymore.
“Did you even try to look for me, ha? Hinanap niyo ba ko? All you think about is the prestige of your family name. Willing kayong itakwil ang anak niyo for something na hindi niya kontrolado? What kind of a mother are you?” Nanlaki ang mga mata niya sa huli kong sinabi. She approached and tried to slap me. Buti na lang humarang si Andrew.
“Don’t you dare talk to me like that. Pinakain kita, pinag-aral kita! Kung hindi dahil diyan sa kabaklaan mo, hindi ka sana itatakwil ng sarili mong pamilya.” She slightly pushed Andrew and took a step backward. She is still looking at me with eyes full of anger.
“Kung ano mang hirap ang dinaranas mo ngayon, dahil ‘yun sa’yo. Dahil bakla ka!.” She continued. I was about to speak when Andrew cut me off.
“Tama na Johnson.” He pat me in the back, looked at me and then proceed to talk to my mom.
“I don’t know you, your family, and what happened between you and Johnson. But it is not right to disown your son just because of his sexuality.” Sabi ni Andrew. Ramdam ko ang pagpipigil niya. He seems so affected. It almost feels like he can relate to me.
“Wala akong anak na bakla! And who are you by the way? Wala kang karapatang manghimasok at makialam sa problema ng aming pamilya.” My mom replied.
“Base sa mga narinig ko kanina, you stopped being a family to Andrew after ninyo siyang pinabayaan. You stopped being a mother to him. I know the pain because I’ve been there. The only difference is, my mother stayed by my side. Hindi niya pinabayaang malason ang isip niya ng ibang tao, even from my father.” There it is. We have the same sentiment. We share the same fate. Mas malas nga lang ako, everyone from my family threw me away. Siya, at least he has his mother and sister.
Mas lalong humigpit ang pagkakahawak ni Andrew sa pulso ko. My mom was about to answer when Andrew stopped her.
“That’s enough. You can go back to your table; we will not bother you anymore. Let’s go, Johnson.” He pulled me towards his car. I glanced at my mom for the last time.
She was furious, but her eyes seemed to be in pain. Naawa ba siya sa akin? O baka ako lang ang nag-iisip nun? Tama, ako lang ang nag-iisip nun, she wouldn’t have cared. Why now? Sa tagal kong nawala sa bahay, it’s impossible.
After minutes of driving, we stopped in a familiar place. We’re in Luneta. It’s almost 8 in the evening, so there are still a lot of people. He parked his car beside an establishment.
Sabay kaming lumabas ng kotse at tumawid ng kalsada papunta sa mismong parke. We walked a little bit and settled on one of the benches inside the park. I did not expect yung encounter ko kanina with my mom. Napa-buntong hininga na lang ako.
“I’m sorry.” Andrew mumbled. He pat my shoulder sabay tingin sa nakatungo kong ulo.
“You don’t have to. Wala ka namang kasalanan.” I looked at him. His eyes are all weary, mukhang apektado talaga siya sa nangyari kanina.“And thank you for standing up to my mom. You didn’t have to.” I looked away and took my eyes to the starry sky. It’s been months since I left home. I thought hindi na ganun kabigat yung dindala kong problema. But seeing her earlier, napagtanto ko na parang kahapon lang nangyari ang lahat.
“You’re welcome. Basta para sa’yo.” Tinignan ko siya. Now I appreciate him even better. I said before na hindi ko siya gusto, pero pagakatapos ng nangyari, parang nag-iba ang tingin ko sa kanya. I’m starting to like him. And it’s from a different point of view, not from the perspective of liking him based on his appearance, but by his character.
He slowly inched his way towards me.
Nagtagpo ang mga mata namin. Ramdam ko ang init ng kanyang hininga sa mga pisngi ko.
Ilang pulgada na lang ang pagitan ng mga mukha namin at hindi naglaon, I found my lips pressing his’.
I closed my eyes.
Maybe, I can give it a try.

BINABASA MO ANG
June
RomansThis story is a take on reality where a lot of LGBTQIA+ members share a common experience. And it is not only about sexcapades and all the good things etched on it, but it also touches the nitty-gritty aspect of a lot of people struggles in our comm...