Chasing Hurricane (PlayboySeries#2)

Chapter 29

hope is never lost

How... do you heal a lost soul?

I mentally read the paper on the wall, staring at it intently for quite some time now. Naglalakad-lakad lang ako kanina galing sa Binaliwan kung saan ang bahay nina Aling Martha, ang bahay kung saan buong puso kaming pinatuloy at inalagaan kahit hindi naman kami lubos na kilala at lalong ako na may mga sugat ng baril.

I went to that place because I remembered the feeling I had on there. Gusto ko ulit maranasan iyon.... kahit sandali. The peace, contentment and the temporary happiness I had there, I was craving for it. Kahit sandali lang...

But... it was gone.

Like all the hope and life I have, it was gone. Wala na silang Aling Martha, wala na si Mang Tiyoy, wala na ang barung-barong nilang bahay... wala ng bakas ng simpleng buhay na minsan kong naranasan kasama si Von doon.

For a moment there, I questioned myself. Totoo ba talaga na nangyare iyon? Or was I just daydreaming? Parang ang dali lang kasi ng panahon. Ang daling nilimot nito ang mga araw na naging isa sa mga masasayang araw sa buhay ko.

I sometimes think how life was really so unfair. Kung bakit parang ang unfair nito sa akin? Did I ever made the world suffer at my past life to lose so much people I love and care in this life? Bakit... parang ang hirap... hirap maging masaya?

So with a numbing heart, I walk the road to the Islet Resort where I was temporarily staying at before I am set to go for my punishment with a heavy heart. Teka, iyon ay kung talagang may natitira pa sa puso ko.

My days was like my dooms day. As if I was only waiting for the day of my judgment. Either shall I live, or just waiting to be killed?

Pero hindi nga ba... matagal naman talaga dapat akong patay? Mula nang ako ang naging dahilan ng pagkamatay nina Kuya Zacharial at ni Mommy, hanggang sa namatay si Azrael nang dahil pa rin sa akin?

I am really a hopeless case of a walking destruction? Like a Hurricane who was bound to bring doom to everyone? Kahit sa mga taong dapat na pinoprotektahan ko? Am I really like a Hurricane who was bound to be alone? Na hindi dapat ako nilalapitan nino sapagkat purong gulo at kasiraan, worst, kamatayan ang dulot ko sa lahat ng nalalapit?

Am I... really that lost?

Naglakad ako sa gitna ng maraming taong nag lalabas-masok sa malaking simbahan. Tumingala at nakita ang isang rebolto ng Santo sa itaas ng Entrada ng mismong simbahan.

I even walk pass a family who was taking a family picture. Unti Unti ay naglakad ako sa ikalawang bangko sa pinaka-likuran nito. A girl wearing a black batman shirt darted her innocent eyes at me. Ngumiti siya at tsaka lumuhod ng tuluyan at tumungo. I stared at her for some time before a bunch of girls at her age came to her side and laugh before making a sign of a cross and joined her.

I... really envy other people's life. There were times when I really hate to see kids because they were the living reminder of how unfortunate my life growing up was.

Bumaling muli ako sa aking harapan. There were 3 old ladies kneeling on the center path of the church. May puting tabon sa ulo at hindi ko alam kung anong ginagawa pero may naaaninag akong rosaryo na hawak nila habang naglalakad ng naka luhod patungo sa harap.

The last time I went to a church regularly was when my Mom was still alive. Well, everything starts to change since the day Mom and Kuya Zacharial died.

"Hi! Taga dinhi ka, ate?" my eyes immediately flew to my side. The girl wearing the batman shirt was smiling widely beside me. Takang tinignan ko siya at napakunot noo ng mas lumapit siya sa akin.