The Philosophy of You

Chapter 22

I guess you could say that ever since Tuesday, I had been in a bad place. I couldn't bear the thought of Shaw leaving, and just when we were getting to know each other. Whenever I'd see him in the hallways, I'd try my best to smile. I know he was having a hard time with this, and I felt a sense of responsibility to help him but I just couldn't get myself to be the usual cheery person I was. I had booked a therapist session for Thursday (today) since I really didn't know what else I could do. 

My art was really starting to take shape, so I had that to focus on. Monday was the due date for my World Issues essay, and there was also that to focus on as well. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I wasn't focussing on anything that needed my attention. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. Cry at the fact that he was leaving or that I was afraid that in losing him, I'd lose myself. 

I was sitting in World Issues when Ms.Kinsley asked the class about university applications, everyone raised up their hand when asked if they had submitted it. Only a few rose their hand when she asked about who had been accepted, Alisha and I were one of the few. In the days following my announcement, we had come to learn the Alisha had also been accepted at Trent, which was great news. She admitted that she was hoping to hear back from Guelph, since that was her first choice.

Lunch was the same, we had gone down to the cafeteria to buy lunch. We all dreaded heading down there, since there were just too many people there. Luckily, the cafeteria line wasn't as long when we got there, we had got our food in a total of 10 minutes which was a new record! I decided to buy poutine today, though I was hoping for pasta. The caf did have scheduled foods but they didn't think to post the schedule. Regardless, food was food, so I wasn't complaining. Today we decided to watch Split on Alisha's laptop, I hadn't seen it before since it wasn't a film that I was interested, but it did surprise me. Apparently there was going to be a sequel to it coming out soon, and I knew that my mom had been wanting to watch it for a while. 

As they left to their classes, I headed down to the library since I was really behind on my World Issues essay and it was due soon. As I walked in, I saw a familiar face, Shaw. I guess he was on library duty today. My heart sunk, okay, maybe I was trying to avoid him because seeing him reminded me of how little time we had left. It was a stupid thing to do when you think about, logically I'd want to spend more time with him knowing he won't be here for long, but I chose to go a completely different route. 

I headed to the back of the library, sitting at one of the tables that faced the rest of the library. I got out my notebook and started writing the intro to my essay. Yes, I could've gotten a laptop and just type it up, but I am old fashioned, and prefer a pen and paper any day. Essay writing was typically my strength, and when it comes to a topic that I'm actually passionate about, having a word limit is my enemy.  I got around to writing the hook and was just about to finish the thesis when I heard his voice.

"Ava, it's good to see you."

I looked up to see Shaw seating himself at the table I was at, well, guess there was no avoiding him now. "Hey, Mr.Shaw."

"Whatcha working on?" He peered down at my paper, as if trying to read it upside down.

"Essay, for World Issues." 

"Neat," he hesitated for a second, "You'll think I'm crazy but are you avoiding me?"

I laughed in denial, "What? Me avoiding you? Why would I ever do such a thing?"

"I don't know. You tell me. I know the new year has gotten off to a bad start with the announcement of my probable, if not highly likely, departure by the end of this semester, but the last thing I would've expected is to have you distance yourself from me upon hearing the news. You said that you had hope, but you lied, Ava, you lied." Tears were welling up in his eyes by the time he finished talking.