The Philosophy of You

Chapter 29

Over the course of just one weekend, things took a drastic change for the worse. On Friday, I had got back my law test, which I had the unfortunate luck of failing. While that wasn't that bad since I knew there were going to be more tests and assignments to bring my mark up, it was the actual weekend that got to me. You see, I had never really mentioned it before now since I was trying to avoid it as much as possible but I had a job at Pizza Hut and well, I quit after working there for three days. The last time I went into work resulted in a serious anxiety attack where I realized I couldn't bring myself to go back there for fears of future attacks. I didn't explain this to my parents, which only led to a major misunderstanding of the situation. I was labelled as irresponsible and that I had to "grow up", so yeah, that's what I have been hearing all weekend long. I guess it's safe to say that it truly dampened my mood, as I felt kind of useless. I was trying to find another job to make up for this one, but I wasn't having any luck.

 I hadn't said a word since entering my Human Development class. Alisha and Ada took the hint, and didn't press on the matter. I think we were talking about our new series of assignments on the brain's development through a human's lifespan, but I'm not entirely sure. I just kept my head down and doodled on a page from my notebook, but at times, looked up at the screen to make it seem like I was paying attention.

When the bell rang, I slowly followed Alisha and Ada upstairs, each step feeling heavier than the last. I was tired, both literally and mentally. When we got to the top, I could see Michael sitting at our spot. I gave a slight smile as he said hello.

"Don't you have class?" Alisha asked, as we placed our bags on the benches.

Michael got up from the bench, and pulled his backpack higher up his shoulder, "Yeah, I'm about to go. I just had to talk to Ava." He turned to me, asking, "Wanna walk me down to my classroom."

I sighed, realizing that I had to talk to Shaw about our first COY class tomorrow, "Yeah sure, let's cut through the English department since I have to make a stop there."

He agreed, and we made our way across the third floor, towards the English department. There was a stairwell stationed in the back of the English department that led all the way down to the Art hall on the first floor, which was perfect for both of our situations. Michael said hello to a passer-by and then started a discussion, "You know Ava, I've got this assignment where I need to focus on a social issue and well, discuss it from different sides. It's for our POV unit in English. I chose suicide, since it was the last one. I'm definitely on the side of the family, I mean, who could be so cruel as to leave their family and cause them such pain. I mean, it's just despicable."

I scowled, surely everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but both sides lost in this case. I couldn't help myself from looking at the victim as someone who just didn't know what to do because of how much pain they were in. I argued back, "Surely, you'd have to understand the victim's point of view, they're suffering, and often times they're just looking for a way to end the pain. I mean, you can't just blame them."

Tears were welling up in my eyes, this was one of those topics that was personal, making it even more reasonable for me to explain the perspective of the victim. Michael refused what I had said, "Yeah right, I mean just get some help, talk to someone."

My voice broke as I struggled to say, "It's not that easy. Do you really think that in a society where mental health is unheard of and its services are underfunded, that someone could find the resources that could help them. Regardless of how someone acts, you never really know what they're feeling. And to just dismiss their feelings by saying 'talk to someone' or 'get help' is cruel."

I was angry, to hear how narrow minded Michael was. I only hoped that one day he'd realize that everyone was a victim in that type of situation, and how wrong it was to label someone as the antagonist. Luckily we had arrived in the English department and I had parted ways, heading towards 320 where I hoped Shaw would be. I stood at the doorway, wiping the single tear that trailed down my cheek, my bottom lip quivering as I tried to hold back my tears. Keep it together, Ava. But it was easier said than done, after everything that happened this weekend, I was at my tipping point.