The Philosophy of You

Chapter 38

"So I'm going to be watching Endgame today," said Shaw out of the blue.

I look up from what I was working on, mouth agape, "Really? I'm going on tomorrow and I am ready but at the same time, like totally not ready 'cause I know someone will die."

He laughs, "Of course, I noticed you've been donning Marvel clothing. Is this in anticipation for the movie?"

"Yup, I've got a new shirt everyday this week, like I kid you not, my life has led up to this."

It's true, ever since I was kid, I was in love with Marvel heroes and villains. I would read Marvel comics during recess and had read every comic in the school library twice. I celebrated the character's birthdays as if they were real. But that's the thing, they were real to me and the MCU was that visual component to how I imagined a Marvel world would look like. 

We talked some more about the movie and the fact that I was "too" obsessed over fictional characters. Things I've heard before, nonetheless, but I never cared. Till you found yourself in someone's shoes, you'd never fully understand their perspective. Shaw talked about how he was going to watch the film with some colleagues, 27 of them to be precise. He mentioned how Mr.Brixton had arranged for the "event" and how he himself, was a Marvel fan. I had been in his class for animation so I knew firsthand just how true that was. 

Conversations eventually died down and I went back to studying for a test I had in philosophy. Wait, let me correct myself. With 15 minutes to the bell, I realized I had a test because of our conversation and now found myself in a state of peril as I tried to go through my disorganized, not even close to being complete notes. The test itself was comprised of multiple choice, definition of terms, two short answers and one long answer. If this test proved to be anything like the others, I could probably get an B or higher without studying. But it wasn't like the others, as much as I loved political philosophy, there were many terms that I had yet to understand hence the anxious state I was in. 

When the bell rang, I jumped in my seat. Already? I thought to myself as I shuffled my notes together and put them away. I stumbled to my feet, throwing my bag over my shoulder as I put on a random playlist and hoped the music would help calm my nerves. 

"Good luck on your test," Shaw said.

I sighed, rubbing my forehead, "Thanks, I guess."

"You'll be fine, just take it one question at a time."

I smiled at him, thanking him for his advice and left the portable. I repeated those words "take it one question at a time" as the music echoed through my headphones. While my heart thumped in my chest as I felt myself forgetting everything I had just gone over, I composed myself. Even if I didn't feel confident, I looked it as I walked into the classroom. That had been my philosophy since I was young, whether it was actually useful was beyond me. But one thing was for certain, I didn't want the world to see my pain nor my cries in the dead of the night. This would be something that would guide me in the years to come. 

Mia was skimming through her notes at lightning speed, as was everyone in the class. Mr.Murphy gave us an additional seven minutes to study as he printed the tests (apparently the Humanities printer was jammed). I sat there, listening to my music feeling myself drifting away as my focus reigned in on the lyrics and melodies. Even if I didn't  get perfect, I ought to try my best, right? 

When Murphy came back with the tests, the air thickened with anxious nerves as everyone put away their notes. I did the same with my phone, making sure the ringer was off. Once the tests were handed out, Murphy went through the test, explaining each part in great detail. Then, he told us to begin. I glanced up at the clock, seeing that 15 minutes had already gone by which meant less time to finish. I started with the multiple choice, even though I really should've started with the long answer.