The Philosophy of You

Chapter 25

Okay, second semester is upon us. I wonder if Shaw got the job. Wait, how'd I even know if he did or didn't. I sat there on my bed, thinking about every single way this could play out. My birds cheerful chirps filling the silence I found myself in. It had been roughly a week since I last saw Shaw. We were heading back into school tomorrow on the first of February for an exam review day. I tried busying myself in my paintings or books, but nothing seemed to do the trick. 

I looked around my room, hoping to find something to do. There were several books in my library that I hadn't read, better yet, any book would do at this point. After days of anxiously pacing back and forth, thinking of what it would be like without Shaw around, my room was the one to show for it. Books littered everywhere, along with empty bottles of paints and blackened canvases from my constant fits where I saw no point in continuing that painting. My mind entrapping me in the idea that Shaw would be gone, refusing to acknowledge the latter.  

I let out a sigh, my bird stifling a chirp as he pecked at the cage door to be let out. My body felt heavy with melancholy, as I trudged across my room, letting Bruno out. He let out a chirp, as he climbed up my arm to my shoulder. I sat back down on the bed, glancing back at the clock, it was only 2:45. I had been in bed since early morning, unable to get up. I realized that I hadn't opened the blinds, which explained the sudden darkness I noticed the room was encompassed in. Bruno flew back to the top of the cage, barely making it to the top. His wing hadn't fully grown in, which made flying a challenge. 

 I got up to open the blinds, squinting my eyes the light shone in. The snow the covered the ground merely reflected the light, making it seem brighter. I thought of talking to someone about it, but didn't want to bother any of my friends. Henry and Rosa knew about Shaw's possible departure, since they had heard it from him in philosophy. Sure enough, Henry would be able to help, he was rational about things therefore making him a very worthy candidate. Rosa's sympathy would be helpful too, but now wasn't the time to let emotions get the best of me. 

I called Henry, leaving it on speaker. The house was empty, since my parents were at work and Zara was at school. The trill of the phone only excited Bruno, who thought it was another bird as he chirped louder to get a response. 

Upon the second ring, Henry picked up, "Hello?"

I tried my best to sound cheerful, even though it didn't come across as that. I spoke in a low, monotone voice, "Hey, Henry. How are you?"

"Good, good. I was just catching up on Agents of Shield, what about you?"

I hesitated, glancing back at my room, thinking about how I hadn't done anything but worry about Shaw in the past couple of days. Picking at one detail, I said, "I've been reading and painting."

"Neat. By the way, how are you feeling? You know, about Mr.Shaw."

I sighed, how could I be honest with him when he didn't know the full story. I thought about telling him about my feelings for Shaw before, but in that moment, I felt almost compelled to do so. "I guess I'm upset. You know, I actually have something to tell you."

I could tell from the sound of his voice that he was more interested in what I was about to say, "Alright, go for it."

I sucked in a breath, before continuing, "Well, this is super super personal but I trust you to know  the truth."

I winced at what I was saying, as Henry said, "Go on."

"Okay, so asides from the fact that Shaw leaving would mean no COY. There's another reason why I don't want him to leave." I mentally facepalmed as I talked, "Oh god, okay, so I know this is super controversial and embarrassing but I kind of, maybe, if not definitely, like him."