The Philosophy of You

Chapter 35

The bell had just rung signalling the end of the day, which for me, meant getting to spend the next hour with the one and only Shaw. Sure, after the events that had transpired, I was "on cloud nine", for lack of a better term. I realized that while it was completely foolish of me to be so bent on this actually something close to love, I still adored him and the feeling I got when I was with him. Everything was simply perfect, I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

Mia wasn't here today, which meant that as soon as I packed my things, I left the class, heading downstairs to Rm.205. I was early, judging by the fact that I didn't see any of the students or Shaw. Nevertheless, I waited by the doorway, checking my phone to see if I got any texts. One text was from Alisha, saying that even though she knew that I had COY today, she wanted to let me know that she decided to skip law since she had other assignments to work and so, she wouldn't be at the locker after school. I texted back, assuring her that it was fine, and offering to edit any of her assignments if she needed. 

By the time I finished texting her back, some of our students began showing up, as did Shaw. He smiled at me and then unlocked the doors, walking to the other side of the room and dropping his things nexts to the desk. I followed behind him, noticing how he let out a deep sigh as he sat down, rubbing his eyes. He seemed tired, that or something had happened. You could never really tell with Shaw, only mere guesses would suffice. As the students sat down, and Shaw pulled up a file that we would be going through together, I sat at the teacher's desk, not knowing what I should do with my time. I noticed that there were some markers that had been thrown across the teacher's desk, along with some papers that weren't in order. Grabbing the marker box, I began putting them in one by one and then organizing the paper. In the mean time, Shaw had greeted the students, and explained that we would be going through the grading system used to mark the literacy test. 

He turned on the projector, and waited for it to start up, turning to me as if I had just arrived, "Hello."

"Hi." I mumbled.

"How was your day?" He asked, glancing back at the projector screen.

"Fine, as good as any day, I guess. Yours?" 

He didn't answer because by the time the words came out of my mouth, the projector has powered up which meant that Shaw could now start the lesson. Was I annoyed that he didn't answer, or better yet, talked to me only when convenient? Yes, I was. But it was my own fault for getting my own hopes up.

He went on talking about the grading system, while I sat there listening in, hoping he'd turn to me to let me pitch in. But he never did, and for the first time in what seemed like forever, I was invisible. It was like I was in another mirror world, where nothing I did mattered. I could bet you ten bucks that if I were to walk out of the room, no one would notice, particularly Shaw. Maybe I was only something of convenience to him? I didn't want press on that idea, knowing all too well that by this time tomorrow, I would believe in this idea as if it was the very air I breathed. 

Things seemed to go by quickly, because the next thing I knew, I was handing out granola bars and juice boxes to the students. This merely increased the volume in the room, since everyone began talking amongst one another. Shaw's lesson was still going on but hardly anyone was paying attention. But I was, I had been listening so intently, you would assume that I too was writing the test. I guess I listened in because I wanted to show that I cared about what was being taught, because that was my role as the T.A. 

The kids continued talking, and by the time I sat down, I was having various conversations all at the same time. Some were about the literacy test while others were far from it. Shaw said nothing, and only watched as students quickly forgot that he was in the middle of his lesson. Judging by how angry he looked, I assumed that this wasn't a part of the plan but he wasn't saying anything. Was he angry at me for disrupting his "oh so precious" lesson when I gave out the snacks? Time would only tell but I was nearly certain that he was either going to crush the juice box in his hand or storm out of the classroom.