Collarbone Control

10

A week had passed since the kiss.

Draco and Harry hadn't really spoken much, they would smile at each other in passing, Harry would give Draco assuring nods over the great hall while Draco tried his best to eat but there was a child-like shiness between them that caused awkward encounters.

Draco was trying, like really trying. He would eat at least a meal a day but would turn up for every meal, even if he didn't eat. He'd only chucked twice since he kissed Potter but each time he felt guilty.

He'd told Pansy what he'd told Blaise, leaving out the situation with P0tter, but now she was aware of his eating habits. Although she was upset over how he was hurting himself, she wasn't too pushy.

His mindset had begun to shift - it was going to take a long time for it to fully shift but he could feel it better. He felt more guilt when he threw up than when he ate a whole meal, but food was still on his mind constantly.

Draco had put on weight, he could feel it. He felt stronger, he could walk between lessons without getting out of breath, but however strong he felt day to day life was still a struggle.

He felt the watchful eyes of his friends and the teachers which made him feel incredibly uncomfortable, even if it was for the best. He knew they were following what he ate which caused him a lot of anxiety, his one form of control was being taken away from him - he felt exposed, even if it was for the best.

Draco would leave the dorm late at night, avoiding being seen for just a few hours without being monitored. This late-night escape accompanied by a cigarette was becoming a habit but he decided it was a better habit than chundering every day to lose weight.

Tonight was no different. Draco made his way out of the dungeons and crept into the great hall, making a b-line for his favorite spot. He walked past the teacher's table and out a door just behind it, stepping into the familiar broom cupboard. He climbed up onto the window sill that was at head hight and crawled out of the small window onto the grass bank behind and let out a sigh of relief.

Good. No one was here.

This was Draco's favorite spot, he'd been coming to this small area of the castle for years. It was behind the great hall, a small corner that few visited and perfect for a smoke. He sat on the grass with his back against the window and lit his fag and stared out across the grounds. He could see the Black lake and the corners of the forest. 

He took a drag and let it out with a sigh, feeling the smoke weave through his lungs he smiled. He couldn't believe how much this stupid muggle cancer stick could make him feel better. When he smoked he never thought of food, maybe because he was doing something to occupy his mouth, but he always thought of Potter.

Goddamn Potter.

Draco had become slightly obsessed with Potter over the last week, he'd think about the kiss and daydream about when he'd next get to do it. But at the same time, Draco felt an unease around him. He'd hated the boy for so long, just small things he'd do would annoy Draco and that level of resentment they had for each other doesn't just go away in two weeks.

It was complicated, to say the least, but it was somehow driving Draco to get better, thoughts of Potter and the way he cared really helped Draco even if their relationship was a strange one.

Draco was still in his school shirt and trousers as he hadn't showered that evening and he looked down at the rolled-up sleeve of his left arm and sighed. The mark stared back at him, mocking him, evil wrapped around him and bound to him.

He felt a familiar anger rise in him, pure and unaltered rage directed at the mark. He was haunted by his past and this mark would never let him go. It would never let him escape. Before he could asses what he was doing Draco plunged the butt of his fag into his skin where the mark lay, feeling the burn dig in and spread across the surrounding area, he held it there for a few seconds, eyes tight shut, riding out the pain. When he couldn't bear it anymore he removed it and chucked the now burnt-out butt across the ground.