Afraid of being confident

Trouble is coming up... (9)

9. Trouble is coming up..

Hey guys!

I hope you like my next part. Sorry for not updating lately but I'm kind of busy right now...Anyways I hope you enjoy it! Tell me what you think and leave messages :)

The sun peaks through some unfamiliar curtains and I have to think twice as long to finally realize where I am and what happened last night. My arm flies behind me and disappointment overtakes my soul. But honestly..what was I even thinking? No man like Mr Bradford.. I mean Max would volunteer and stay longer that he has to in the same bed with a girl like me. Maybe I was asking for too much when I was already expecting him to be laying beside me when I wake up..I mean look at me..It's a wonder that he offered me to join him in the same bed, without seeing him leave after he realizes that I'm bigger than he thought and that I need more space than all his one night stands will ever need. I push the covers and most of my thoughts away, get up and walk into his bathroom to be surprised as I notice fresh clothes that are lying on the bath tub. But they aren't for me, are they? Why would he be that nice and borrow me clothes that probably wont fit.

I hate these bad thoughts that circle around my head everytime something happens that I wasn't expecting, when I see myself in the mirror or when I'm in that period of time when I hate myself and everything about me.

My face looks pale as I spot myself in this huge mirror in front of me. I don't know what I expected again..to look into the most beautiful face ever after a night full of running and horror texts ..still I'm the one that flinches. My eyes lost their sparkle and are dim, blurry, without a hint of happiness. Followed by deep bags under my eyes. I'd be happy if I had lost the weight I did under different, more healthy circumstances, but I notice parts of my body that have become more thinner, flatter in some kind of way. Don't compliment yourself, you still look fat.., is my inner voice screaming at me..and yes, I agree as I grab my stomach, I'm still curvy and not attractive..After a short shower and the change into other clothes, I'm just about to enter the kitchen and freeze in my walk as I see what's in front of me. A table full of the most delicious breakfast I've ever seen. And the amount of food is breathtaking and somehow disgusting..I mean it's obviously for more than one or two guests....there are only two dishes. Before I can brood over possibilities, Brad who was sitting in a green, fluffy armchair, makes his way to me with a..what's that? A grin..he's grinning.. I look behind me to see who he is grinning at to see no one standing behind me..it's just him and me and he's grinning at me...

"Hey, Leslie!", he greets me and pulls me in for a warm, calming hug. It's a bit longer than I would have expected and it almost feels real, like he is serious about the 'hug and me thing'.

"I see you've found the clothes I found for you", he smiles at me as I look down on myself and nod. I probably look like crap in this grey sweatpants and the white shirt. He smiles because he has to and is just playing nice, my inner voice says.

"You want breakfast? I didn't know what you'd like and prepared just every meal I know", he points to the table.

My stomach grumbles on command before I can answer his question and maybe have the chance to leave..

"I hope you like something of it..."

I like every and each meal he has prepared, even if I don't think that he did it alone or partly helped.....but that's my problem, I like everything. It's not that I'm starving at the moment but I forgot to face some meals cause of the trouble I had during the last weeks..but I'm afraid that I'll eat too much because of the fact that I really am craving for some proper food. I don't want him to see me eating that much.

"What are you thinking about, beautiful?", he snaps me out of my thoughts.

"What?", I ask him not believing how he just called me.