The Chronicles of Us

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On Friday,
as the family
played
a backyard
football game,
I dialed
the number
for the
abortion clinic.

I was
cross legged
on my floor,
and Emmaline
was on
my bed,
her face
pressed up
against a pillow.
Hayes
was
holding me.
A distinctly
female
voice
came on
the other end
of the phone.
"...how may I help you?"
"Hi, may I schedule an appointment?"
I asked shakily.
"Certainly---"
Emmaline
grabbed
the phone
from my hands
and clicked
the end button.
"What are you doing, Emma?"
I questioned,
"Why did you do that?"
She buried
her head
in my chest
and answered:
"I can't go through with this."
"Emma, you have to make up your mind. Are you going to go to that clinic to get rid of this unborn child, or are you going to let this unborn child ruin your life like you'll ruin their's?"
She looked
at me
wide eyed.
In that moment,
I remembered
little
Emmaline.
The one
with the
blonde pigtails,
that
always
had a fixation
on animals,
who adored
children
and family.
And
in that moment,
I knew
she didn't
have it
in her.
She couldn't
bare
carrying
around
the burden
of a
dead child.
"I can do this, Lena. I'm going to have to try."
I believed
she could.
I knew
she'd
do her best
at raising
a kid,
even
if she was
still one
herself.

So she
decided
to announce
her pregnancy.
She wasn't
going
to do it
in front
of everyone
and ruin
their time,
she was
going
to tell
her parents
and let
the word
spread
like
wildfire.

The night
before
they left,
Emma
stood
in front
of my
mirror.
Hayes
and I
were
positioned
on my bed.
"Just imagine it, Lena."
Emmaline
lifted up
her shirt
to reveal
a flat
stomach.
"In a few weeks time,
I'll be as fat as a pumpkin."
She placed
her hands
on her
stomach
and closed
her eyes.
I knew
she could
foresee
the future.
I knew with
all of
the angst,
there was
beauty.
My
cousin
was
going
to
be
a
mom.

Before
my family
left,
it was
the time
we all
dreaded.
We all
said
our
goodbyes.
Bryce
hugged
me tight,
Channing
picked me up
and spun me
around,
And Emma
wrapped
her arms
tightly
around me.
She whispered:
"I'm going to tell them all tonight."
"I'm so proud of you, Emmaline."
"Yeah, me too. This is the first time I haven't given up on something."
"I love you, Emma. If you need me, call me."
"I love you too, and I will."
She let go of me.
As
she walked
away
from me,
I could
hear
her say
softy:
"Here goes my life."

And then
the house
was
silent.