The Price of Gold | Fortune's Fool #1

21 | my past demons

• [ m y   p a s t   d e m o n s ] •

♥ louisa ♥

MY EYES PRESSED shut as I heard the sound of a beep, a signal of the call with Gabriel ending. I'd told him. I'd told him that the police knew where he was and warned him to getaway. Whether he escaped in time or not was in his own hands.

The conversation was manic, crazy and disorientated much like our relationship.

Black strands of straightened hair fell onto my face as my head fell forward in the exhaustion of emotions. Dry tears stained my face. Beneath the bikini and swimsuit cover-up that I was wearing, my heart was palpitating at an insane pace, way behind my mind which had given up some time ago and had become still.

I was crouching on the floor of my large en-suite white bathroom, shaking as the events from today swept around in my mind. What started as a chilled pool party with my friends has spiralled downhill when my parents told me about my engagement with Logan. Once everybody had left, I phoned Logan as he told me to, leading to a conversation that left me shaking. Logan has given me a choice to warn Gabriel and risk him finding out about a year ago or let him get caught and feel submerged by guilt, knowing I got him in that position in the first place.

Twenty minutes later, I realised there was a third option that Logan didn't fucking think of. Warning him whilst also stopping him from finding out about a single thing. Right now, as I hugged myself on the floor I hoped that in the time it took me to phone him, he hadn't found anything useful. He couldn't have.

Within seconds, my head began spinning again. It felt as if the world was sucked in a tornado, blurry and whizzing whilst leaving me standing in the calm epicentre with nothing to do at apart from staring at the moving scenes. It was all coming back. My past demons were hunting me down. Hyperventilating, I threw up in the toilet beside me and broke into a cold sweat.

Lou, you're mentally and physically exhausted. Go to sleep. Sort this all out in the morning.

I gazed at my watch. 19:38.

I didn't need to tell myself twice. After slowly brushing my teeth and washing my face, I weakly limped to my bed whilst shaking my clothes and pulling on a silk nightdress. My eyelids heavily dragged over my eyes, plunging me into oblivion darkness that was somehow more comforting than my present.

•••

Six.

Seven.

Eight. Nine. Ten.

Eleven.

That would be the twelfth time my phone, on the bedside table, buzzed within a minute. I was too caught up in my thoughts to care. I'd been up for probably five minutes, my mind haunted by a familiar face.

From behind my peach curtain, daylight shone but I was busy transfixed on the face floating around in my mind.

I didn't care that I'd broken the law. It was more that I'd hurt her again.

I'd broken her trust. Again. I'd wounded her. Again. I was given two options and I didn't choose her. Again. I chose him over her. Again. I was irresponsible. Again.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as my wet eyelashes sparkled from the light emitted by my lamp. They clumped together into small sections, creating the impression of even darker, fuller and longer lashes than I already had. It was funny how something as ugly and torn inside as myself could create the illusion of beauty.

Beauty meant nothing if the mind was broken.

Mine was.

I clenched my fists around the duvet as I sobbed quietly. This had been my opportunity to do something for her and I hadn't. Guilt enshrouded me at the thought of not giving her the justice she deserved.