love within the silence

forty

I stayed at Cheryls until 4:30, that was the time we had agreed for everyone else to come round. We all left and we drove round to my house, everyone else was already there. We walked up the steps and I unlocked the door, everyone smiled at me and then FP said loudly 'jug, she's here' I kicked off my shoes and my jacket when Jughead came round the corner. I could see he was panicked and when he reached me I felt the sinking in my stomach. He went to reach for me when I said 'I think I'm going to be sick' I quickly ran upstairs to the bathroom and once again I emptied my stomach into the toilet.

Jughead followed me and a minute later he was rubbing my back and holding my hair back. Another wave hit me and I was once again sick, he whispered to me 'it's okay, get it all up.' Once I was finally finished I flushed the chain and stood so I could brush my teeth. He helped me stand up and then waited until I had brushed my teeth. 'You okay?' He said while tucking my hair behind my ear, I shrugged and said 'just got a lot on my mind' he smiled and said 'imogen?' I looked up and said 'how did you...' but before I could finish i sighed and said 'Cheryl' he smiled weakly and said 'she called earlier but she was just worried about you. Do you want to talk about it?' I shrugged and said 'not much to say' he pulled me towards him and said 'well somethings bothering you?' I ran my fingers through his hair and said 'just something she said... that you settled for me. Why me? I'm nothing special. She's beautiful jug, I don't get it?' He frowned and then said 'okay, listen very carefully to me. I was with Imogen in what I would say was probably the lowest point in my life. I never wanted a relationship with her because she was not mature enough to handle that and I was not in the right frame of mind for one either. I'm not going to deny that she's beautiful because that was mainly the reason I was with her, but no one can hold a candle to you betts. She was 18, I was 20, I broke whatever it was off 5 months later when I finally started to get my act together. I realised after that year, I just wanted to settle down. I had lost so much and I wanted to replace all that pain I was feeling with something new. I wanted to be loved. 3 years later I never thought it would happen but you came along and changed everything. For the first time in 4 years I had wanted to actually open up my heart again, even if you could break it one day. You showed me what it's like to love someone unconditionally, you and Ally. After the first time I kissed you, no relationship or fling I had ever been in came close to what I felt when I was with you. You made me feel alive again, made me feel wanted. I fell in love with you so easily, the one thing I was always afraid of. And 7 months down the line, I have you right next to me. I have ally, our baby, I don't need anything else. I didn't choose you betts, you crept up on me until one day I realised I was to far gone to ever walk away. That was when I realised I didn't want to walk away because I can't imagine my life without you or ally in it. So when I say that Imogen means nothing to me, please tell me you believe that? Please tell me you believe me?' I wiped at the tears on my face and nodded 'I believe you' I whispered. I felt his lips on my head as he held me for a few minutes.

When I pulled away he said 'I love you Betty' I smiled and said 'I love you too jug' I kissed his lips softly and then he said 'has the sickness gone now, we should probably head back downstairs?' I nodded and said 'you ready?' He smiled and said 'yeah'

We both headed downstairs, Veronica smiled weakly at me and I mouthed 'I'm fine' she nodded and then carried on her conversation with Toni. I walked into the kitchen to see Cheryl with ally, I watched as ally's face lit up 'mummy!' All said while reaching for me, I walked to the kitchen side and picked her up off the edge 'hi sweetheart' she hugged me tightly and then I felt Jugheads hand on my back. I relaxed into his touch while holding ally to my hip, she fiddled with the necklace around my neck when she said 'dada, where's hotdog?' Her eyes moved to jug and he said 'not sure princess, go and ask auntie Veronica for me?' She nodded and then I kissed her head while putting her on the floor. It was a few minutes later when she came back carrying hotdog and wanting to sit back on the counter. Jughead lifted her up and then stood next to her making sure she didn't fall. 'B, would you like a drink?' I shook my head and said 'I'm going to stick with water' Cheryls eyebrow raised and then she said 'why?' I shrugged and said 'no reason, just haven't been drinking recently' I took a sip of my water and looked at Jughead who was eating some crisps with a smile on his face.