Red vs Blue Season 1 /w Spartan Matthias

RvB S1 Ep5 "The Package is in the Open"

Matthias, Church, Tucker, and Caboose are standing on top of Blue Base.

Church: Let me get this straight.. You gave this guy our flag?

Caboose: Is that bad?

Church: Bad? Oh no, that's not bad. Next time he comes over, why don't you just help him blow up the whole goddamn base?

Matthias: Church, shut up, this is your fault!

Church: HOW? How is any of this my fault?!

Tucker: There, there he is.

Both Church and Matthias starts looking though their sniper rifles.

Church: Where? Oh, yeah, oh, I got him. He's sneaking around back behind the cliffs.

Tucker: He must be one smart son of a bitch.

Matthias: Or he's just lost.

To Donut, who's looking around the canyon.

Donut: Oh, man, I am so freakin' lost. Where the hell is the base?

Back to Matthias, Church, Tucker, and Caboose.

Church: Oh, shit... Hey Tucker, look at his armor. It's red.

Tucker: Oh man, that means it's their Sergeant.

Matthias: Or a new recruit. Makes sense, considering Command sent us one too.

Church: No, it doesn't make any sense. If he's just a recruit, then how did he get through our defenses?

Mathias: ...None of you were looking at the entrance. And I was busy with the tank.

Caboose: Uh, you know.. he came in the back door where you guys were standing.

Matthias: Told you.

Tucker: Yeah, okay, well let's take him out then.

Church: Roger that. Okay, say goodnight, Red.

Back to Donut as Church shoots four times but misses.

Donut: (crouching) Son of a bitch!

Back to Church and Tucker.

Church: Aw crap.

Tucker: ...

Matthias: ...

Church: (turns to them) ...What?

Matthias: *sigh* You're a terrible sniper.

To Donut.

Donut: (shouting at Blue Base while waving the flag) Hey! It's me! Don't shoot! I'm the guy that bought the flag, remember!?

Back to Blue Base.

Tucker: Oh great, now he's taunting us. That's just embarrassing.

Matthias: Not for long.

Matthias aims towards Donut, and almost instantly fires, knocking the Flag out of Donut's hands.

Donut: OWIE!

Tucker: WOW! Nice shot!

Matthias: What did you expect?

Tucker: That you'd miss.

Matthias: Oh please, I never miss.

Church: *scoffs* Showoff.

Matthias: Alright, enough goofing around. *reloads his rifle* Rookie, you stay here. Church and Tucker, you will head through the teleporter, and cut him off at the pass. I'll sneak up behind him, and we'll bring back both him, and the Flag.

Caboose: Roger-Roger!

Tucker: Why aren't you coming with us?

Matthias: Because I'll get there faster on foot.

Tucker: That doesn't make any sense.

Matthias: *switches his rifle back to auto* I didn't ask for your opinion. Go through the teleporter, and cut him off!

Church: But-

Matthias: NO BUTS!

Before they coulds protest any further, Matthias jumps off the base, and activates his Active Camoflage, rendering him invisible, and ending the argument right then and there.

Church: *heavy sigh* Goddamnit. Alright, Tucker, you ready? Let's go.

Tucker: There is no way I'm going through that thing.

Church: Tucker, we don't have time for this. Why would they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work?

Tucker: I don't know, why would they give us a tank that only one person can drive?

Church: We already tested the teleporter, remember?

Tucker: We threw rocks through it!

Church: Yeah, and, so what? The rocks came out the other side, didn't they?

Tucker: Yeah, but they were all hot and covered with black stuff.

Church: Oh, so I guess that's what this is all about then. You're afraid of a little black stuff.

Tucker: Yes. I am. I am afraid of black stuff.

Church: Tucker, I almost hate to do this to you. (raising his gun at Tucker)

Tucker: You wouldn't...

Church: You know, I look at it this way: Either A, we go through there and get the flag back, or B, we stay here and I get to kill you, and then report it to Matt as an accident. Either way, I win.

Tucker: For the record, I want you to know, rocks aren't people.

Church: Duly noted. Now get in there.

Tucker: Crap... Alright. One, two...

Tucker runs through and doesn't appear on the other side.

Caboose: ...Huh, he didn't come out the other side...

Church: Yeeaahhh, I've uh- I've decided I'm not gonna use the teleporter.

Church runs off the base to chase after Donut.

Church: Okay, rookie, you stay here! We'll be right back with the flag!

Red Base

To Simmons and Grif.

Simmons: I still have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't hear any shots.

Grif: (sighs) I'm telling you, it was five shots. Like bam, bam, bam, bam.

Simmons: Wait a second, that's only four bams.

Grif: Bam. (sees Church through a sniper rifle) Wait a second, we've got a Blue guy on the move out there.

Simmons: Where's he headed?

Grif: (looks to the left) Oh crap. It... It's Donut. And he's got something... (zooms in) It looks like... (sees Donut picking up the Blue's flag)...Simmons, get the Warthog.

Simmons: Heh, you mean the Puma?

Grif: Yeah, keep making jokes. That'll win the war.