Red vs Blue Season 1 /w Spartan Matthias

RvB S1 Ep7 "Check Out the Treads on That Tank"

Middle of Blood Gulch

Church, Tucker and Matthias are behind a rock with bullets hitting the canyon wall behind them.

Beatrice: God Fucking damnit, you jinxed us, Church!

Church: (gets scared) GAH, I'm Sorry!

Matthias: >My god, doesn't that thing ever run out of bullets?<

Tucker: You know, in hindsight, we should have brought the tank.

Church: You're right. Hey, "Colonel", why didn't you bring the tank with you?

Matthias: >I didn't think they would use the Warthog against us.<

Church: Isn't it your job to think of everything, so we don't get into situations like this?

Matthias: (gets angry) >And isn't it YOUR jobs to follow my orders? Because the way I see it, I told you BOTH to go through the teleporter, but only Tucker went through, while YOU came here on foot. What do you call that, huh?<

Church: Well, yeah, but... oh man, I guess I gotta give that one to ya.

They sit there for a few more momnets, when suddenly, Tucker gets an idea.

Tucker: Hey, Matt!

Matthias: >Yeah?<

Tucker: You have that cloacking right? Why don't you use that to flank the Reds?

Matthias: *lies* >Because it's currently on recharge.<

Tucker: Oh.

A few more moments pass, when suddenly...

Tucker: Wait! Your armor also has Energy Shielding, right?

Matthias: (confused) >Yes? Your point?<

Tucker: Wouldn't it be strong enough to go up against that cannon?

Matthias: >For about 2 seconds, yes, but after that I would be turned into meat scraps.<

Tucker: Oh.

Matthias: >Tucker, I admire your enthusiasm, but belive me. If there's anything, I would be able to do here, I would have done it by now.<

Tucker falls silent, and they all continue to just sit there, waiting for the Reds to stop firing.

Beatrice: (in Matt's head) You've really gotten soft, haven't you? (smiles)

Mathias: (light chuckle) No, I haven't. It's just that sometimes, it feels good to just sit down, and not give a damn. I've always had something to do, up until now. Now, all I gotta do is wait for something to happen. But, if this takes too long, I will take them out.

Beatrice: (rolls eyes) Fine. I give you 5 more minutes. After that, I'll alert everyone, that your Camo is "fully charged". (mischievous chucke)

Matthias: (chuckle) OK, that's fair.

Since this converstation took place in Matthias's head, the others didn't hear a single word of it.

Blue Base

Caboose is hopping in the tank. As the canopy closes, the tank turns on.

Tank: Hello, and thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank. You may call me Sheila.

Caboose: Hello. Sheila. Big tank lady.

Sheila: Would you like me to run the tutorial program?

Caboose: Oh, that'd be very nice. Thank you.

Sheila: Tutorial program activated. This program is intended to instruct non-certified personnel in the use of this Scorpion class tank. Let's begin with some driving.

Caboose: Okay.

Middle of Blood Gulch

Simmons is still firing the Warthog's gun with Grif on the ground behind him.

Grif: Simmons. SIMMONS!

Simmons stops firing, and steps down.

Grif: Man, that thing is loud.

Sheila drives by in the background.

Simmons: ...WHAT?

Grif: Come on, let's sneak around the back of the rock and get 'em out.

Simmons: OKAY.

Grif: Keep it down! Jesus. Let's go, before they figure out what's going on.

Meanwhile, Caboose is having Sheila stranded on a tall rock and turning to try to get off.

Sheila: Now that you've mastered driving the M808V, let's move on to some of the safety features.

Caboose: No, no, wait, go back! Why are there six pedals, if there are only four directions?

Back to Matthias peeking out from the side of the rock. Tucker and Church are still standing behind it.

Matthias: >They stopped firing.<

Church: (whispering) No shit, Sherlock.

Tucker: Why are you whispering?

Church: (whispering) Uhm... I don't know.

Back to Simmons and Grif standing at the foot of a cliff.

Grif: Aw, crap, I don't think we're gonna be able to get around this way.

Simmons: Tell me again, uh, why did we get out of the jeep?

Sheila rolls up right behind them.

Grif: Well, I guess it was this or sit there and watch you shoot rocks all day long.

Sheila's turret looks at Grif, then at Simmons as they speak.

Simmons: Well, at least that was fun.

Grif and Simmons turn simultaneously to see the tank.

Grif: Holy CRAP. What in God's name is that thing?

Back to Church, Matthias and Tucker looking at the vacant Warthog.

Church: Tucker, don't be stupid. They're just trying to draw us out.

Matthias: >Either that, or they're trying to flank us.<

Tucker: No they're not, look - they left the jeep. They're gone.

Church: Well, I don't know about this. It seems pretty fishy, but... alright screw it, let's go get it.

Matthias: >You two stay here. I'll get the Warthog.<

Church: Fine.

Tucker: Works for me!

To Sheila's HUD. Her cross hair slowly homes in on Grif's head.

Grif: Dude, hold still. I don't think it sees us.

A tone goes off indicating target lock.