The halfway and in between

never better.

Lumayo ako sa kanya agad pagkabulong niya sa akin. He laughs and leave. It feels weird so I decided to leave the bar and texted my friends that I'd rather be sleeping, para hindi na nila ako hanapin pa.

Umuwi ako sa dorm, still so nervous. I've never been so nervous in front of a stranger and ghad sabi nga ni Ren sakin I can really present myself with other people kahit may pagkasnob ako. This thing I am feeling right now is all new and because it's new I don't know how to properly name it.

My phone rings and it's the reason why I become distracted of the new kind of feelings. Brielle is calling.

I answered my phone and sa unang pagkakataon sa tagpo ng gabi na iyon, kumalma ako. Brielle is like a good medicine. Nagkwento lang siya sakin na ang dami nilang ginagawa sa hospital and he finally decided to pursue his specialization sasabihin niya raw sakin once na magkita kami. Kahit ano namang specialization 'yan, susuportahan ko siya all the way. I know how hard working he is and he will nailed everything once he set his mind into it, he is also a fast-learner na isa pa sa kinaiinis ko dahil napaka-unfair.

We talked until we are both sleepy, I missed him but I won't say it on phone because he deserves to hear it. Wala raw siyang pasok sa Saturday and since tapos naman na ang finals namin so I decided to meet him too. We both agreed na mag-Manila Ocean Park kami then bahala na afterwards.

xxx

Saturday came at nag-aayos na 'ko. Usapan rin kasi namin na susunduin niya ko ng 3 pm pero 10 am pa lang ngayon at balak ko kasing puntahan si Brielle sa Manila Doctors dahil pinaextend siya ng isang oras dahil may mga emergency patients. Dapat kasi 2 pm pa lang off na niya at sa Monday na siya ulit babalik kaso ayon pinaextend siya for about an hour. Ang galing talaga.

Nagcommute ako dahil madalas naman ako magcommute saka madalas kami magkita ni Ren at ako ang laging nag-aadjust sa distance namin so di na ko nagwoworry about me being lost. Malapit lang rin naman ang Manila Doctors sa Adamson so kayang-kaya ko na, sabi ni Ren baba lang ako sa United Nations tapos maglakad lang ako ng very light.

Truth to be told after ilang minutes nasa harap na ko ng Manila Doctors, I asked the guard where the Emergency room is, andon kasi si Brielle.

I saw him, I was about to wave my hand and scream his name pero naalala ko na nasa hospital ako. So I contented myself staring at his tired face, I was so shocked nang yung isa sa mga doctor doon ay kinatok ang ulo ni Brielle. It was like the doctor is knocking to his head, kung may laman ba. I was the one who felt insulted and the almight Brielle is just standing there, nakayuko. Ghad!

Brielle is the most amazing med student I've ever known, he is really dedicated, he works hard and he's humble, has so much desire in his heart to help people, so I don't understand why this doctor is being rude to him.

After that scene, kahit gustong-gusto kong tumakbo papunta kay Brielle, nanatili ako sa mcdo at umorder lang ng kape. I don't want to embarassed Brielle, I know how fucked up his day today and the least thing I want him to know is how I saw one of the doctors did to him.

Kilala ko si Brielle, he will open up if he wants to. I won't bother to ask din, Brielle had been always listening to my rants, so right now that's the best thing I have to show him. I learned a good thing from him.

I texted him na nasa mcdo lang ako. He didn't reply.

Nang sumapit ang 3 pm, I saw him being so fresh at ngumiti siya sakin as if he didn't receive anything from someone that is ahead to him. He immediately sipped the iced coffee I have then hug me tightly, he squeezed me lightly, I hug him tighter.

How can he smile so wide after what happened?

"So, shai. Tell me what happened to you? Why are you so early?"

I know it's bad to lie pero at this point I don't know what to say.

"Ah, Ren and I met and you know her, she's so kulit" I said and immediately busied myself to the iced coffee, trying to melt the ice through staring.

"Yeah, so how's the meeting?"

"She told me a lot of things, and I wasn't bored"

Tumango-tango lang siya.

Pucha naman, ano bang gagawin ko?

"Ikaw, brielle?"

The smile on his face suddenly disappeared. Pero pinalitan niya ulit ito ng ngiti.

"Okay lang. Nakakapagod"

I was about to ask him more pero inaya na niya ako sa sasakyan niya. Sa buong month ba na hindi kami nagkita, ganito lagi ang nararamdaman niya? How can he keep everything to himself?

Nag-gala kami sa Manila Ocean Park, we took a lot of pictures, we ate, and we enjoyed everything. I was smiling the whole time, and I saw how genuine his smiles too.

Nasa tapat na kami ng dorm ko ngayon. Wala pa kong balak na bumaba, at mukhang ayaw rin akong pababain ni Brielle.

I am staring to him while he is in deep thoughts, nakatulala.

"Brielle" I called him.

Lumingon siya sakin "sorry, I was just so tired"

I hold his hand and squeezed it lightly.

"Hey, everything's alright?"

Tumango-tango lang siya the flashed his smile.

That moment I don't know what to say.

I pulled him and hug him.

"Brielle, kung pagod na pagod ka na and you feel like any moment sasabog ka na, you can share to me. Alam mo naman 'yan diba? I am willing to be with you"

Naramdaman ko ang pagkabasa ng damit ko, he's crying.

"Naalala mo ba yung sagot mo sakin when I asked you why you want to be a doctor?" I asked

He nodded.

"Good. Always remember why you started this. It will never be a smooth-sailing type of journey but I guarantee you. Sa liko-liko, lubak-lubak at madulas na madadaanan mo, I am with you always"

Umalis kami sa pagkakayakap sa isa't-isa.

"May pasyente akong ginamot, shai"

Tumingin siya sakin, I stop myself to talk.

"There were no doctors inside the emergency room, I was there all alone. I called them and paged them sa mga nurse pero walang dumating. I was so scared because any moment the the patient will die if I didn't do anything. Pinuntahan ko yung pasyente, he was about to have a cardiac arrest, shai! Inutos ko sa nurse na kumuha ng ct scan because the patient kept telling me that his stomach was aching, I put an intubation in his mouth, I did a CT Scan and I saw that he has an internal bleeding malapit sa kidney niya then one of the doctors saw me. Hindi kasi pwede 'yon diba?"

"Sino ba 'ko diba? I am just a med student tapos sila mga doctor na. Hindi pa nga ako nakakagraduate pero ang yabang ko na raw, sino raw ba ko para humawak ng pasyente"

"Nabuhay ba ang pasyente?"

He nodded.

"Then you saved a freaking life, brielle!"

"What?"

"You'll become a doctor. If you weren't there the patient will die. Mas nakakahiya naman diba if you didn't do anything kahit andon ka. So, don't listen to the arrogant doctors around you. Listen to what you want and what you think is right" I said

"Mali ginawa mo, yes okay given na 'yon! Pero if you didn't do anything, sagot ba ng hospital kapag namatay ang pasyente dahil walang doctor na nasa loob ng emergency room? That's freaking emergency room it should be their first freaking priority!" Dagdag ko pa

I am raging mad. Sobrang iresponsable ng mga doctor na ganon, yun yung mga doctor na ang tataas ng tingin sa mga sarili.

Brielle laughs kaya napatingin ako sa kanya. He pulled me into a hug

"I am never better if you are not around. You are my blessing, Shai. Thank you"

I softened. I hug him back, he doesn't know he is an answered prayer.