Take Her To The Moon

Chapter 24

A/N- Hi! This has kind of been getting attention lately?? Thank you!! I'd love to read some comments, so please drop 'em! If you have any suggestions on how I could improve my writing or the story in general, that'd be great, too!! Also, I realize I haven't addressed Awsten's age (my bad!) In this story, he's about 25. It's still Fandom era, which I realize doesn't make sense, but just go with it. Again, thank you so much. Enjoy!

Ryan's POV

Awsten leaves in an hour. We're laying on the white hotel bed watching the end of The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl (his choice). Usually, I'd be perfectly comfortable, but tonight something was... off. Like, the way he's holding me but not holding me. It's like he knows he has to but he doesn't want to. So, I move. He doesn't do or say anything. He keeps his eyes fixed on the TV as the end credits roll.

"So... you're leaving." I say, trying to steal his attention.

He turns his attention away from the screen and looks at me for only a second before staring at his hands in his lap.

"Yeah." He mutters.

I get up from the bed and walk towards the bathroom, washing my hands for no reason other than if I stay next to him, I'll cry, which is the last thing I want to do right now. I look at myself in the mirror, half-pink hair messy with grown out roots. I feel my cheeks get hot as I look past myself at Awsten. He's scrolling on his phone, no emotion in his face. What's he thinking right now? Just yesterday, hell, earlier today he was begging me to let him stay with me so that we could spend more time together. What the fuck, Awsten?

"What?" He looks up at me, a puzzled look appearing on his face.

Did I say that out loud? Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"I- um," I take a deep breath, forcing myself to gain composure, "I didn't mean to say that out loud."

"Oh." He returns back to whatever he's doing on his phone, just like that.

I feel myself get angry with him. We have less than an hour together before he leaves for however long, and he's just ignoring me? Fuck that.

"You know what, no. What the fuck, Awsten? Why are you shutting me out right now? I was under the impression you actually wanted to spend time with me. I can leave, if you want." I mean against the cold counter, arms crossed.

"I'm not?" He says, though it comes out as a question. He shuts off his phone and sits up more.

"Yeah, you are. Can you just tell me why?" I pull myself up so that I'm sitting on the counter.

"Are you gonna cheat on me?" He asks suddenly.

"Cheat on you?" I hop off the counter, and I want to sit with him and just hug him but I know I shouldn't.

"Sorry, I know we're aren't actually together so you can't really cheat, but I mean... are you gonna be with other people? When I leave, I mean." He plays with the hem of his sweater mindlessly.

"Awsten, what's going on?" I ask, "of course not. Why would you even think that?" I'm kind of hurt that he would assume that of me. I thought he trusted me.

"It's not... I don't think that... I mean, I guess I do? I don't know," his eyebrows furrow as he tries to collect his thoughts. "My ex cheated on me and I'm just scared. I don't think you would even think about it, honestly, but I'm just... scared. I already said that."

"I'm not your ex." I mumble.

"And I know that, Ryan, I know that." He stands up and walks over to me. He stands about five inches taller than me, so he looks down while I look up, "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. You don't need to." I give him a quick peck on the cheek and move past him.

"Hey, where are you going?" He asks as I grab my phone and shove it into my purse.

"I don't think you want me to stay." He looks confused, so I explain. "You keep comparing me to your exes. We've been in, what, two fights? If you include this one, that is. Both were because you think I'm your ex. And I'm not."

"This is a fight?" He looks helpless and confused. I feel bad, but he needs to figure out his own mind.

"I don't know, Awsten." I set my bag back down, "do you want me to go?"

"No, of course not! I'm not gonna get to see you until summer, most likely. I want to spend the next, uhm, half hour with you." He says, checking his watch.

"Really? 'Cause you weren't paying me any attention during the movie." I cross my arms over my chest.

He looks down at his feet, muttering a sincere "I'm sorry."

He walks towards me, stopping for a second before he touches my waists, as if asking for permission. I take a step closer to him, resting my hands on the back of his neck. I just look at him for a second, and he looks at me, and in that moment we erase the past.

Right now, it's just us. I don't care that he's leaving too-soon or that he makes me so frustrated all the time. I don't care what his fans will say, because they don't matter. I don't care that we don't think the same way. I don't care. I don't care, I don't care, I don't care.

All I care about is us, him and me. I care about how he's kissing me and how I'm kissing him back. I care about how his hands mindlessly twist the fabric of my shirt between his fingers. I care about my hands toying with the hair on the back of his head. I care about how perfectly my hands fit in his, and how he always asks before touching me. I care about how we fit so well together. I don't think I love him, not yet. But in this moment, I do. And I think he does too.

When we finally pull away, I see a quick tear run down his face, which I wipe away. I don't say anything though, because I know he doesn't like crying in front of people. He hugs me tight, and I hug him tighter. I don't ever want to let go, but I do. I have to.

"I gotta go." He says as his phone buzzes from its spot on the bed.

"Okay." I kiss him again, and it takes everything in me not to cry.