Let Me Go

Blackout

*Hayden's POV*

"Well... remember the ex 'fling' I mentioned awhile back?" I ask Billie avoiding getting gaze.

"Kind of, yeah."

"What I left out was she was my first... for everything. First girlfriend, first fuck, first punishment, f- well you get the point. My therapist thought it was because I had some deep seeded parental issues, but whatever." I take a deep breath before continuing.

"I learned a lot about myself, but I also learned a lot about her too... I learned that she had a need to be in constant control of me. For a period of time while I was seeing her I cut off my friends, ditched class here and there, and I even distanced myself from my family all to make her happy. She saw them as a threat... and me being the naive 15 year old I was back then, I was just ecstatic that my girlfriend could buy me beer."

Billie snickers at that last comment.

"Yeah yeah it's kinda funny looking back on it. She ended up using that to her advantage though. If I was drunk, my inhibitions were down and she could essentially do what she wanted. Most of the time she's get me black out drunk, so the majority of the time I'd wake up not only with a hangover but with strange marks and bruises all over my body. She knew I had a thing for being bound, and used that against me too..." I feel my eyes start to tear up at what I'm about to say.

"One night I was kinda buzzed, and she had tied each of my wrists to an ankle, so I physically couldn't move. While we were fucking, one of her friends showed up 'unexpectedly' and she gave me an ultimatum. If I loved her I'd let him fuck me, and if I didn't she'd punish me. But the way she said it... her tone told me that she would have beaten me. So I nodded yes wanting to make her happy." Billie pulls me into a hug and I smirk.

"You're too sweet but I'm not done." she nods letting me go and says, "keep going angel."

"After she and I broke up, I guess you could say, I turned into this person who needed to be fully in control at all times. I was emotionally unavailable to the girls I was 'dating' and ended up being not only emotionally abusive but physically as well... Billie, I broke a girls finger because she talked back to me. One girl had to change schools because of how horribly I treated her, and she didn't dare tell her parents because she knew I'd come after her. I don't want to accidentally slip up and be that person again, and the way you pushed my buttons after I had used a serious tone with you... it almost happened. I had actually thought about hurting you." I confess.

I can hear Billie's breath hitch, "Just because the thought crossed my mind, it didn't mean I wanted to act on it. I was afraid if I touched you when we got back to the room that I would have lost my shit."

We sit there for a few minutes in silence. I feel like I might have just scared the one person I care about away.

"Thank you for telling me. I know that probably wasn't easy for you." Billie breaks the silence taking my hand into hers, "I knew you meant business when you copped a tone and I thought it would have been funny to push your buttons."

My brow furrows and I ask her, "How are you not freaking out right now?"

She takes my hand and places it on her chest, her heart is racing. "Because I know that you love me and love conquers fear angel." Billie kisses my cheek, then my jawline, moving towards my neck.

"Stop." I order.

Billie sits back, "Did I do something wrong?"

"No baby, I um, I'm just not fully out of the head space I was in earlier and I don't want to hurt you. But, I'm totally down for all the cuddles you want." I hold my arms out and she nuzzles herself in my embrace.

~~~~

*Billie's POV*

Can't breathe.

Fuck I can't breathe.

My eyes shoot open and I see Hayden.

She's straddling me, her eyes dark looking straight through me, and she's choking the life out of me. I flail my arms trying to push her away but it just makes her grip my neck tighter.

I hear her muttering under her breath, "You took everything from me Morgan, now it's time I take everything from you..."

Fuck. She doesn't know she's choking me.

I try again to push her off with no success.

I reach over to the bedside table grabbing my phone and alerting my emergency contact.

I hope they get here in time.

My eyes are starting to get fuzzy.

I hear someone banging on the door.

Why isn't she getting off of me?

She can't hear it.

I hear the door unlock and open.

"What the fuck?!"

Oh thank god Finneas was up.

I finally feel the grip on my throat release and I gasp for air. I look over to see Finneas had tackled Hayden to the ground and she's still fighting. She isn't consciously here.

"Fuck you Morgan!" she screams.

Finn whips his head in my direction giving me a look.

"Fucked up ex..." I manage to whisper out. My throat is killing me.

"Billie I'm literally about to punch her out if she doesn't stop fighting me, got any ideas on how to snap her out of it?" Finn asks.

I run my hands through my hair and think for a moment. Vantablack.

"Don't judge me for having this on me..." I grab a pill from the old stash I left in my luggage and hold Hayden's nose making her open her mouth and pop it in there. I force her mouth closed. A few minutes later, she's out cold.

"Bil what the fuck did you give her."

"Good question. Not answering it. All I know i couldn't move the first time I took it."

"The first time? There's been multiple times??"

"That's not important! What's important is that you cannot under any circumstances tell mom or dad, or anyone for that matter what happened here." I poke my finger into his chest trying get my point across.

"Bil..."

"No dude, you say nothing to no one. Ok something triggered her from today and she's just having a difficult time letting it go. Please don't say anything."

His face relaxes into an expression of sadness, "Fine. This happens again, I'm calling the cops." he warns.

a/n: I'm dead tired and all I want are flamin hot cheetos.