Cherry- H.S

Selfish.

A/N: THIS IS A DOUBLE UPDATE!!!! IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE CHAPTER TITLED 'SIGN OF THE TIMES.' YET THEN GO BACK AND READ BC YOU MISSED A LOT!!!!

My fingers are itching for the keys right now.. I can't fucking sleep, and I don't know why. Maybe it's the thought of another nightmare, maybe it's the thought of being in a house with so many other people I don't know, but I can't even think about closing my eyes.

No one will hear me at the piano, and I've been dying to write this song out, to actually feel the music through a real instrument, and not the piano app on my phone. I walk out of my room, and go straight to the piano. I know how late it is, I know most everyone is asleep or in their own world. As soon as I feel the ivory under my fingers I close my eyes, playing the chords that I had written out, even adding a soft accompaniment to it.

"Boy you're such a lost cause. Now your name is crossed off. You could never fix this, couldn't even fix yourself... It was almost two years that I chose to spend here.. All alone on new years. Thinkin' "What the hell." I don't want to break your thread and needle tryna stitch you but I can't, I refuse." The high notes float in my voice, and the keys aren't as heavy as I want them to be played but I don't want to be too loud. I go straight into the chorus, letting every bit of anger out in my voice.

"Shouldn't love you but I couldn't help it. Had a feelin' that you never felt it. I always knew that you were too damn selfish. Don't know why I looked the other way... I wanted you to change. I shouldn't love you but I couldn't help it. I always knew that you were too damn selfish." The words hurt but I find myself smiling. This song is good, this song is good, and it feels good to let out.

"I bet you thought you gave me real love. But we spent it all in nightclubs. All you ever wanna do is lie... Why you always such a Gemini? Baby who you tryna run from? Me or all your problems? You know you will never solve them, you don't even know yourself." I go straight into the chorus again, feeling it more this time, hearing it in my ears, feeling it through my bones as I connect with the piano.

"But it's not possible. Plus I'm not responsible, for your self made obstacles, put my heart in the hospital.." My voice is detached, haunted, and that's how I want it to sound, that's how I will record it when I try to sell it because this song is haunted, lyrically, and metaphorically. I sing the chorus again, and find myself riffing, going off on the highest part, sliding down the scale with my voice. I continue playing, and practically jump out of my skin when I see Harry standing there.

"No offense, but what the fuck..." I mumble, holding my chest to make sure my heart doesn't beat out of my chest.

"No offense but you're playing piano in the middle of the living room in a shared house love... Someone was bound to hear you.." He smiles, walking to the piano just like he had done the other night.

"Not you.. You should be sleeping." I mumble, letting my hands rest in my lap.

"I could say the same to you... Either way I was too busy thinking." He tells me, tapping his fingers on the piano. "I'm glad I was awake... I've never heard you sing like that..." He mumbles, and I shake my head. "It was very honest.. Beautiful, and that run that you did.." He shakes his head, praising me, and I shake my head, ignoring his words. "So that was the song you wrote earlier I'm assuming?" He asks.

"It was.. I wanted to play it without anyone listening, but someone had to be awake." My tone is sarcastic, but my voice is low. I won't lie... I'm upset right now, I feel down at my own thoughts, and everything that's going on between Harry and I. I'm upset that he heard the song because I don't want him to think I haven't moved on because I have. I don't want Dean anymore, but I'm finally at a place where I can be angry, and hurt by what he did to me instead of being sad and heart broken.