Cherry- H.S

Party In The U.S.A.

   "Darling... Darling.... Darlene!" He yells at me, and I continue to look out the window of the car, jumping at the sound of his voice.

    "I don't want to talk right now Dean... Just leave it alone." I mumble to him.

    "I'm not going to leave it alone... This is ridiculous , you can't just sit here and ignore me in my car.." He breaks, and I turn to him, snapping my head to him.

    "There are a lot of things that are ridiculous in this situation, but I am not one of them! I can ignore you, and I will. I'll continue to ignore you as long as I want to." I burst, and he looks at me, his eyes confused.

    "Who are you? This is not my Darling... This is.. This is someone completely new." He sighs, trying to make me feel bad. He's always done this, always tried to make me feel bad for things I shouldn't.

    "There is no 'your darling' I belong to myself." I snap, and he shakes his head.

    "Cherry-"

    "Don't call me that." I snap.

    "That's your name. That's what I've called you the past four years, you're Cherry, that's just who you-"

    "No! No it's not! No, you can call me Darlene, you can call me by my fucking name Dean, that's who I am! I'm not yours, I don't belong to you, I'm not Cherry. I'm just Darlene!"

    "Do I mean nothing to you? Does the past four years just mean nothing to you now?" He bellows out, and I'm crying now, turning to him completely.

    "I wish you meant nothing to me! I wish you meant nothing at all! Just take me home, and leave me alone! I never want to talk to you again!" I scream out now, my tears pouring. Lights flood into the car, and before I can process anything I hear the horn blare, and everything goes back, the ear piercing shatter of glass, the incredible shaking feeling in my chest, the crunching metal, the screeching tires. I smell the smoke, I hear my scream, but I can't see anything. "Dean! Dean!" I scream, but there's no reply. "Dean!"

    "Dean!" I scream, and clutch at my chest, the shirt I'm wearing dripping with sweat. Bowie rubs against me, trying to comfort me, and I reach out, petting him, still trying to catch my breath.

I haven't had that dream in a long time mostly because I hadn't let myself sleep. I tried my hardest to only sleep during the day, to take naps because I never get it during the day, but I figured since staying with Harry and not having it that I'd be fine, but I was wrong. I was so wrong.

I miss him. I miss him, and I shouldn't miss him. I'm allowed to hurt, I'm allowed to be upset, but that doesn't mean I should be full of regret, that I should be so hurt that it feels like I'm betraying him by speaking to Harry.

It's haunting.. He's haunting me, and I wish he would just leave me the fuck alone now. I can't go back to sleep now. I don't want to.

    I'll be with everyone today..Possibly the band, possibly management. I will know three people. Only three, It's alright though, that's three people I hadn't known before. I throw on a normal pair of jeans, and decide to stick out my neck with the top. I wear a bright colored turtleneck, one of my favorite colors, yellow.

    "I look plain don't I Bowie?" I ask softly, turning to him as he sits at the top of my closet, looking down on me. He purrs and moves around the top of the closet, sitting right in front of my jackets, all of them hanging. "You are a genius." I mumble, grabbing my favorite brown jacket, hearing a meow in response. "Oh fine.. Get out of my comfort zone, understood." I put it back on the rack, and grab something that I've only worn a handful of times. Leather Jacket... It's edgy, it's cute... It's so out of my limit, but I think I can make it work.