Cherry- H.S

To Be So Lonely.

A/N: I'm normally not one for warnings, but I'm going to give you one because you deserve it.

Bad news first, this is the most painful chapter I've got... At least in my opinion.

Good news... Everything only goes... Uphill from here? kind of?

I'm sorry I love you guys(:

CHERRY'S POV:

I'm a fucking idiot for ever thinking that was a good idea. I'm so fucking dumb... I get on the plane, and sit in my seat, trying to stop myself from tears, stop myself from panicking. I turn my phone off completely, not even wanting to look at the screen right now. I never thought the day would come that I would wish over and over again for a plane to take off, and stay in the air. I don't want to come back to earth right now, I wish I didn't fucking have to. My hands fumble with my journal, and I start flipping it open, but find myself stopping on an old song... and now a new realization hits me. A song I titled River Of Tears... A song I wrote about Dean...

Never in my time with Harry did I think he'd live up to the lyrics of a song I wrote about Dean...

But he surprises me more and more everyday I guess. "Still got the flowers that you sent... and the note you wrote that said that we were meant to be forever.." I read... "But the hurt is for the better, moving on is now or never." "Sometimes love brings you flowers, and it builds your coffins.." "Far too often we end up falling to our demise..."

No... I'm not going to let him bring me to that. That's the difference between Dean and Harry. Harry broke me, I am broken, but I won't let this bring me to my knees. Cry me a river, build myself a bridge I'm over this.... I am over this... I hated being alone.. I hated being alone, and I know physically I won't be alone when I get home, but my heart will be alone. It's hard but it needs to happen, so it will, and I'm going to write it all out right now, and I hope... I hope to god he hears this one.

*play song now*

I don't have a piano, I don't have a guitar, I just have words, but I will use it, I'll use my pen and my paper right now, and do exactly what needs to be done for my mental sanity.

"Don't blame me for falling, I was just a stupid girl.." I laugh at myself knowing how true the words are.

"I can't blame the drunk lovers, I wasn't ready for the fall..." I write out, knowing I can't blame him for falling in the hands of someone else but I sure as hell won't blame myself either.

"You can't blame me, darling... Not even a little bit." I lean in further to the lyrics, really getting into them now.

"You were away, and you're just an arrogant son of bitch who can't admit when he's sorry...." I look at the name, the use of the name, and hesitate, but continue on... He is arrogant, and fucking dumb... and I'm angry...

"Don't call me baby again... I've got my reasons...I know that you'll try to be friends, and you'll mean it... But don't call me, it's hard for me to go home, to be so lonely...." It is... It's the last thing I want, but maybe it's what I need...

"I hope that I can see you in a little better light... It's never been too easy being of the jealous kind..." I hate it... I hate the characteristic of jealousy, but it's all I feel right now. Anger, and jealousy.

"I miss the shape of your lips, and your wit...."

"It was just a trick..."

"This is it, and I'm not sorry." I'm not... I don't care if he is, he doesn't deserve any pity from me right now.

"Don't call me baby again... I've got my reasons...I know that you'll try to be friends, and you'll mean it... But don't call me, it's hard for me to go home, to be so lonely...."